I might kill off members of this society without a second thought, but knowing my own flesh and blood is weaved in with them? It’s had my thoughts and decisions scattering like a packet of cards.
The anger has dulled to a low, painful hum, and clarity often tries to come through.
But my sister knows exactly what she’s done, what she’s continuing to do.
She’s playing me like a fucking fool.
“You should kidnap her and make sure you get the truth out of her.”
I bark a laugh at her, and she flashes me a smile. I lean up to look at her, her small dimples showing, causing my heart to twist, seeing them after all this time. “And here I was, tiptoeing around all the awful things we’ve done.”
Regina and I have tried to keep the blood and gore to a minimum, not wanting to overwhelm her. Jenna hikes a shoulder up. “I’ve survived quite the dose of horrors so far, at least we’re all morally questionable together.”
I shake my head, glancing at the ground. It’s a sad truth.
Our lives have all been altered by this society, and not for the better. It seems the only positive we’ve gained is dark humour.
Jenna’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “Are you going to be the one who? You know.”
Kills her.
She wants to know if I’m going to be the one that kills my sister.
“It has to be me,” I admit, feeling the coldness spread through my veins.
All I’ve known these last six years is seeking vengeance; it’s skipped past that night of the event. Now I just feel an unrelenting wrath slowly burning within me.
I don’t think I’ll ever find the right words that pinpoint just how much this betrayal seeps into me. And I don’t know how it’ll affect me once I do, but anything is better than living with knowing she believes she’s gotten away with what she has.
My soul is already darkened; what’s another shade at this point?
“You do what you have to, Indie. I’m with you. I hope I get the same strength you have to come back at those who fucked with me.”
I sigh, softening my features. “You will, you’re still in the early stages of recovery, Jenna. And when the time comes, and you want to join? Gina and I will be there. If you don’t? There’s not a burden I wouldn’t bear for either of you. Trust me on that.”
She gives me a smile, glancing down at our joined hands. “Despite everything that’s happened, I really am the luckiest girl to have friends like you. It actually feels like an understatement.”
I smile at her, giving her a hug.
“I’ll let you know as soon as I’m back. Have you got a cell phone yet?” I ask, rising from the couch when she releases me.
“I think it’s been ordered, just waiting for it to come.”
“Good, well the doctor has Saint’s number. We can put Gina’s and mine in it. I’ll write them down just in case.”
Jenna gets up and rips a piece of paper out of what seems like a diary, handing me the sheet and a pen.
Once I’m done, I head towards the door, but come to a stop, my hand frozen over the doorknob at the sound of her childlike voice.
“I’ve had to live with the regret of pushing you and Gina to come to that party. If I didn’t…If we had…”
I whip round so fast my hair smacks me in the face. “Hey,” I gasp, walking towards her and kneeling down before her, “none of what happened was your fault, Jenna. None of us were to know.”
She sniffs, her dark eyes glistening against the whitening of the snow beating against the window.
“I know, but it doesn’t change the weight of it, does it?”
Fuck, do I know it. I’ve danced with the ‘what ifs’ for six years in my own waltz. It doesn’t change anything; it just eats you alive.
