I don’t even notice how close Jenna has gotten until she puts a jacket over my shoulders. “Let’s go look at it together, okay?”
The warm tear rolls down my cheek, and she wipes it away with the back of her hand when I whisper, “Okay.”
29
Indie
you and me - lifehouse
“Morning,sleepy,”Jennasaysto me softly, my knuckles rubbing against my eyes as I stretch out on my bed.
Fuck, my head hurts, as does my throat. It feels raw from the amount of vomiting and crying I did through the night. Not drinking alcohol for six years, and almost drinking an entire bottle of whiskey, it’s left me feeling like my body isn’t my own.
My voice is as rough as gravel when I answer her, “Hi.”
Regina walks over, handing me a cup of coffee, holding out two aspirin as she sits on the edge of my bed. “How are you feeling?”
I take the tablets first, washing them down with the bottle of water I cradled all night. “Do you want an honest answer?”
I want to lie, and it feels a lot easier to do now, I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s the dark cloud that follows me around everywhere. I’ve lost the ability to care about the truth.
I take the steaming cup from Regina as Jenna adds, “Of course.”
My thumb runs along the rim as I stare down into the swirling brown liquid. I don’t think I could truly pack into words how I’m feeling without worrying anyone.
It’s better to keep it locked inside.
So instead, I opt for the one that everyone won’t be surprised at. “Lost, so fucking lost.”
I woke up to use the bathroom a few hours ago to find the girls and Rex scattered around my room. Rex sleeping against the door, Regina at the foot of my bed, and Jenna curled up on the armchair.
The image blew the breath right out of my lungs, because there was only one person missing to fulfil that childhood sleepover memory, and he’s dead.
Saint is still gone, and this isn’t a nightmare I’ve woken up from.
It’s my damned reality.
“Oh, Indie,” Regina whispers, hand running up and down my leg over the duvet.
I swallow the hot liquid down. It soothes my throat, less gritty from the silence I’ve held for almost a week. Glancing at Jenna, I say, “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
I’d never forgive myself if she witnessed what those dark, alcohol-filled thoughts had me teetering with. That would haunt me in the afterlife.
She comes over and sits on the bed, back resting against the headboard. “Have to admit, I thought you were going to jump.” There’s a nervous laugh mixed in with her words, and a knowing look passes between us.
When I shift my gaze over to Regina, she looks equally worried. “I just wanted to go up and clear my head.”
Lying really is easy when you feel like this.
Regina squeezes my hand. “You’ve been through a lot the last couple of weeks, we understand. If you were holding up totallyfine, then I’d be really fucking worried. But talk to us, Indie, okay?”
I give her the best smile I can, and it feels so unnatural.
When the weight of two pairs of eyes gets too heavy, I shift in the bed, knotting my fingers around the mug and looking at Jenna. “Are you okay? You know, with Rex having stayed in the room?”
I was so taken aback at seeing her outside of her room last night, that this morning I thought I made it up in my head.
“He comes to see me every single day. That was the first time I felt safe outside of the room. Besides, even if I was uncomfortable, I could have dealt with it for a night to make sure you were okay.”
