“What’s wrong?” Damien asks, his voice thick with sleep. “What’s wrong?”
I stare out at the Manhattan skyline blurring past the tinted window, miles away from home.
“We have to put travelling on hold,” I say, pushing down my disappointment. “That thing with Connor that I told you about… it’s bigger than I expected. I’m going to be out of the country for a while.”
“Out of the country? For how long?”
“Six months. Maybe more.”
Damien’s gasp shoots through the line. “You’re not serious.”
“I am.”
“What about us?”
I close my eyes and press my head back against the seat. “I don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t have control over this.”
“You always say that,” he says, frustration creeping into his tone. “It’s always your da. It’s always something you can’t talk about.”
“I know.” My voice cracks and I hate it. “And that’s not fair on you.”
“Tier…”
“I care about you,” I say quickly, before thinking better of it. “That’s why I won’t ask you to sit around and wait for me to come home. Truth is, I don’t know when I’ll be back. I don’t even know what state I’ll be in when I do.”
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing…”
“You’re pushing me away.”
I almost admit that I’m trying to protect him from my da… that I have to be cruel to be kind, but I swallow it because this guy deserves better than having to look over his shoulder every day.
“I’m trying to be honest,” I say instead. “You need someone who’s gonna be around all the time. This is who I am and it’s never gonna change.”
Silence stretches between us, and all I hear are his deep breaths.
“But I love you,” he says in an exhale.
My chest caves in.
“I know,” I whisper. “And that’s why I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me.”
“We’re never going to go travelling, are we?”
“I guess not,” I sigh. “I hope you meet someone who can be all in.”
“Tierney…”
“Take care of yourself,Damien.”
I end the call before my voice gives me away, switch the phone off, and toss it onto the seat beside me.
The Viacava town car glides through traffic, glass towers rising and falling in the window's reflection. I keep my face turned away so the driver doesn’t catch the shine gathering in my eyes.
Normal was always going to be a borrowed thing.
My da had me working through my teens so I had no close friends, and when I met Damien in his pub while I was on an undercover job, he looked at me like I was just… a woman.
