“What the fuck?” I say, sitting up.
Ylvin laughs from the other side of the lavvu, raising her head. Everything around her bends. Vibrates. My arms feel gooey. Perhaps I’m made of honey, put together by the many bees drinking from flowers.
What a strange thought.
“How do you feel?” she asks.
“What the fuck… the fuck. Did you poison me?”
“My darling,” she whispers. “Is that really what you think of me?”
I stand, panicking as my heart thrashes about my chest. A fish in a bucket. It should be in the river. It should jump upstream.
“Fuck’s sake, Kilda, relax. Sit down.”
“The fuck… I… by Freya… what is…”
The shadows weave together. The fire is kindled. The roof is covered in dancing spirits, sharing a moment together. I can never take part. They love chaos.
“Please, I… I just…” I sway as my balance is challenged. A quick glance at my arms tells me they are not my own. The hairs, the fingers. What the fuck is going on? What is this body?
Ylvin grabs my shoulders, pushing me down on a pile of furs. White like snow. They are soft against my skin. I know that in my head.
I try to keep focus on Ylvin. But her face is bending, all over the place. I only see her smile. Her wolfish smile. Sharp teeth. A wolf. Matriarch.
“Stay down, girl,” she says as she laughs. “It’s coming to me too.”
I try to look at her, but I don’t even know where she is. Every surface is separated. Everything bends in waves, together. Connected. My forehead is detached. I fall backward.
An endless tide of white assaults me. I have no choice. How can I win?
Win against what? Me?
A single tear runs from my eye as I relax my forehead. It’s time.
Is this death? Can it be stopped?
Release.
All white.
CHAPTER 32
Endless waves of white. Here I am again. It feels like just yesterday. How could I ever leave? Nothing else has ever been.
I open my eyes. No inkling as to where I am. It’s dark.
“I want to go back.”
Eyes seek rest. My head lulls to the side. I am allowed in.
White in all directions. Existence without question. Wrapped in eternal pulsations. This is where I was born. This is where we all yearn to return.
A green sliver rises in my vision. My mind is activated by its appearance. Kilda wakes up. Green is not supposed to be here. I slip. I fall.
Dark waters surround me. I think I could breathe if I wanted. But I don’t need to. I lift my head. Liquid pours down my sides.
“She arrives.”
