“Are you? If he charmed her, and succeeded, she wouldn’t be the first slave girl to be disappointed that a freeman won’t take her hand in marriage.”
Madness. It’s like Eidunn said. Men will blame her. Claim she regretted lifting her skirts. My stomach clenches as Vidar folds his arms.
“But… her lip is swollen, last night she?—”
“Look, Kilda, I know Njord. I’ve seen him kill men, several of them.”
“Yes, but?—”
“You’re making a very serious accusation. You will be disgracing a respected man. Make sure it’s the truth.”
“I swear it!” I shriek, unable to contain myself.
Vidar looks at the other men.
“Keep your voice down, woman,” he says. “I thought you had more self-control than this.”
I breathe deep, briefly closing my eyes to recenter myself.
“I want to help Eidunn,” I state.
“Eidunn is a big girl, and Njord is a bigger man. I would advise you to?—”
“So you won’t help me?”
“Don’t interrupt me, Kilda. Know your place.”
My jaw drops. His expression is stern, punitive. Gone is the shining smile carried by the dashing man who wanted to charm me—who did charm me. I hold my tongue as he continues.
“I would advise you to let this be. Eidunn is fine. Njord would never force himself on any girl, even if it were his right.”
“His right?”
Vidar takes a step toward his men.
“I don’t want to hear of this again, Kilda.” He raises a finger at me. “Don’t put me to shame by dishonoring my men.”
“Put you to shame?” I whisper.
All my hopes are crumbling. Everything turns to shit. I’ve made it all worse. My role as Volva, defaced by my status as slave. Vidar was supposed to help me. Anything, he said. Anything at all. He raises his finger again.
“Remember, I’m the one who brought you here. I’m the one who protected you. The one who bought you.”
CHAPTER 49
It is day, but I am in bed. My face is covered by my blanket—I don’t want to breathe. A squeeze dominates my chest as I squirm, struggling to find comfort.
What have I done? Have I made it worse? What a stupid little girl I am, expecting men to stand up for women. Vidar has played me, charmed me, for what? To fuck me? To treat me like Njord does Eidunn?
She will hate me. I know it. She will come for me in the night. If they don’t punish me first, or punish her. How can it all crumble so fast? Eidunn warned me. She warned me not to do it. Mind my own business, that’s what she said.
I twist and turn in my bed. Who can I face? Who is my ally now?
Fuck!
I thought I had power. I thought I could help. Foolish girl. Stupid foolish girl.
My stomach rumbles. An empty bubble travels through my belly. I refuse to eat. I don’t want to eat. I don’t want to live. Everything turns to shit.
