There on the coffee table were snacks. Popcorn and apple slices. Peanut butter and caramel dips—they looked almost the same. Chips and veggies. A bunch of other things too. That would be perfect. I was eight now. Big enough to get my own snacks. That’s what Val said.
I grabbed one of the small paper plates and started putting the snacks on it. Maybe Paige could help me put on one of my movies. That was what I usually did when Dad left, and Paige was nice.
“Trinity.” I looked up, startled.
The whole room was quiet, and everyone stared at me. Val glared, clearly angry. “Yeah?”
“These snacks aren’t for you. Please go back to your room.”
“I was just hungry.”
Her mouth tightened. She looked like this whenever she wanted to say something but felt like she couldn’t. “Fine. Go, please.”
My plate was full, so I balanced very carefully all the way back to my room. Snacks were good. Maybe I could ask Paige to get me some snacks to keep in my room. Eleanor would have. Then I wouldn’t have to bother anyone.
I looked at the calendar on the wall. The day two weeks from today was circled with a bright red marker. Dad always did that when he left to tell me when he’d be back, but I wasn’t sure why.
In all the times I could remember him leaving, he never came back on the red circle day. Ever.
“Trinity?”
I startled, hand flying to my chest. My coworker, Allie, stood in front of me. Face concerned.
“Yeah?”
“You okay? You looked like you zoned out for a minute. And you’re really pale.”
I swallowed. My throat didn’t want to form words. My heart pounded in my ears. Sweat gathered on my lower back and behind my knees. “I’m okay. Sorry. Just got caught up in a thought. You know how it is.”
“Yeah, I get it.”
Without another word, I turned and went back to my office. I hadn’t thought about that moment in forever. My walls were down. Ever since that night at Element. Like a switch had flipped, and suddenly everything I tried to push down and ignore was at the tip of my fingers.
It was terrifying. It was probably a long time coming, but after years of not being able to speak about it, I wasn’t sure how to start. There was so much more. Things I now remembered. If all it had been was the snacks or the occasional frustration, that would be different.
But it wasn’t.
That was just the start.
I sat at my desk, not really seeing through my eyes. Memories rose to the surface of my brain like carbonation. Fizzing and zapping me with things I hoped I’d forgotten, but never would. Like when Dad missed my eleventh birthday and sent a gift instead.
The music blared from the new boombox as I danced around the room and sang at the top of my lungs. Ilovedthis song. Couldn’t get enough. In a few days, when I’d played it three hundred times, I’d be sick of it, but right now it was all I wanted to hear.
This was the best birthday present ever. Dad sent it. He knew exactly what I wanted, because I’d been asking for it since right after my tenth birthdaylastyear. It was perfect.
Energy coursed through me. I couldn’t shake it. The bed was the perfect bouncing place as I screamed the lyrics out the open window. I should make up a dance to this song. I could show Dad whenever he got back.
My door flew open with enough force to make it hit the wall. I fell onto the bed, startled. Val charged over to my dresser and turned off the music. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m going to make up a dance for Dad,” I told her. “I’ll show him when he gets back in a few days.”
“You will do no such thing.” She reached behind my dresser and yanked out the plug to the boombox. “We can hear thishorrendoussong through the whole house, and I’m not going to listen to it on repeat until Cecil decides to show back up.”
“Hey. You can’t take that.” I ran after her, and she placed a hand on my chest, keeping me far enough that I couldn’t reach my boombox.
“I can, and I am. You’ll get it back when Cecil’s home.”
“That’s not fair.”
