“I have to sort myself.”
“Come again?”
She sighs deeply and stares out of the window as we pass by all the little shops and twiddles her thumbs, rotating them backwards then forwards. “I thought I was pregnant.”
I step on the brake so fast the tires squeal. The cars behind me honk, but I look right at her, unbothered. “What?”
“When we were in Wales, I thought I was pregnant.” She explains all of the symptoms she was experiencing. “Damon believed my symptomsto be psychosomatic. He made an appointment for me last week to get my labs done, which also concluded I was indeed not pregnant. While I was here, I got my implant removed. But, as luck would turn out, he was right. My cortisol levels areveryhigh. I’m to come back in two weeks and get more lab work done because high stress levels could also cause hormone disruption and even worse—infertility in women,” she says with a soft sob, then shakes her head with a bitter laugh. “I don’t understand how women get the shit end ofeverystick and all men get are useless nipples and the audacity tucked behind their prostate!Ortheir balls, I’m still unsure.”
I roll my lips inward, trying really hard not to laugh. “Useless nipples, huh?”
“Ugh!” She sniffles. “Completely andutterlyuseless. Pun intended.” She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs out a laugh, groaning with a shake of her head. “I’ve always wanted a family. Maybe that isn’t feminist, or it sets me back a few decades, but I had my career. Though finding a new one. Money, I have. I have two partners—albeit cockwombles at times—but incredible nonetheless. Why can’t I be a mum, too?” She sniffles again, tears streaming down her face. “I would be a great mum,” she whispers barely loud enough for me to hear.
“I would love my children with all that I am. Bake them cookies and cupcakes for school functions and…” Another sniffle… “And I’m a twat because my best friend is pregnant, and as happy as I am for her, I can’t look at her. I can’t look at her because despiteeverythingshe went through, it almost feels like her life is so easy compared to mine. And that issoooofucked up! I hear the words leave my mouth and I hear how fucked up it is. It isasinineto compare us, but God, even her wedding was beautiful and simple. Mine was extravagant—to the fucking nines, but behind the veil it was a nightmare.” She sighs again. “I know how hard she had to work to get to where she is now. I’m not daft nor blind. I suppose I just… I suppose I just thought thatmaybethis one time something might go right for me.” She fiddles with the hem of her coat again.
“Bri—”
“Which is why I have to sort myself out, because she is still blessing me by making me an auntie. She still loves me despite it all. Despite having given up on her when she never once gave up on me. Charlie will never make me an aunt, and even if Alice were not my sister but Charlie’s, it feels like Kane took that possibility away from me, too, and so I have to sort myself out. Because two truths can live in the same breath. I am allowed to be happy for my best friend, and I am allowed to wish it upon myself and be a little jealous, right?”
When we cruise around Central Park, I find an open space and park there, leaving the engine on so it stays warm. I look over at the love of my life, looking for something to wipe her nose with. I reach into her giantpurse and grab the little pack of tissues she carries at all times but forgets about. “I think everything you’re feeling is valid.”
“Thank you,” she pouts, then blows her nose.
“Christ, baby, how have you not imploded?”
Sabrina chuckles, but it’s hollow. “I am so angry all the time, Parker.Allthe time. And I will die before I ever allow myself to become a bitter, manipulative, overlording twat like my grandmother. Erhm… Charlie’s grandmother. But she was a hag just the same. May she rest in peace.”
“Have you told Maksim you got your implant removed?”
“Have you told Maksim you have an appointment to get your balls working again?”
“Touché… but I’ve had this appointment for a while. He knows I went for a consultation before everything happened but doesn’t know about… the appointment.”
“Seems we’re all sorting ourselves, then.”
I grunt before asking, “How is he?”
She shakes her head. “He won’t back down from the fight on New Year’s, and Niko isn’t speaking to him. Spends all his free time in Boston.”
“Rumor is he’s in love.”
Sabrina’s brows shoot up. “Really?”
I make a noncommittal hum.
“Incredible. Another gangster has fallen in love.”
I grin at her smirk.
“I hope she gives him hell… but I also hope she knows he’s worth whatever they’re about to go through. Believe it or not, I quite like Niko. I thought he would’ve made a great addition to Raven’s little cube. Don’t ever let the boys know I said that, though. They’ll ground me or… something.”
I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips. “I keep all your secrets safe, baby.”
She lets her head rest against the seat and she peeks over at me, green eyes lime in the rays of the sun. “I adore every breath you take, Parker Savage Hayes. You have held me captive in a cruel cage for a lengthy while… until I realized it was your sternum.”
“How do you like your cage now, babydoll?”
“Seems I made perch and made it my home.”
