"Lyndall."
"I just think that you could try a lot harder to earn her forgiveness."
"I apologized."
"Words are nothing. Actions count."
"I let her out," I mutter, shooing her with a hand.
She refuses to be shooed. "Are you sorry for going overboard?"
"Of course, I am. I'm not a stalker." Usually. "But I'm not sorry for keeping an eye on her. I won't apologize for doing whatever I needed to do, in order to keep her safe."
She straightens up. "Well, don't you think that's the problem?"
"What is? Safety?"
"Nooo. You won't even apologize for crossing all those lines. Maybe deep down you still feel you're right, but you did betray her trust. And you should be sorry."
"I can be right and apologize for it?"
"Yes. No. I mean, well...yes. You believe you did the wrong thing for the right reasons, but in her eyes, it's still wrong. It's her privacy and her trust. You can't think pretending to be a wrong number is okay?"
"Well—"
She puts her hands on her hips. "Enzo. You should be able to see it from both sides and understand how you can do good things for bad reasons and bad things for good reasons, and have them be wrong and also right."
"What the fuck are you on about?"
She ignores me. "Perspective is important. Both sides can be wrong. And right. But it's up to you to find the middle ground."
"Lyndall—"
She points at me. "You should be groveling your ass off. So, do some groveling and stop waiting for her to get over it. Be a damn man."
And with that, she flounces out.
Fuck.
What if she's right?
What if Cade and fucking Silas are right? I don't need to even think about Vi's point of view because I know she'd be on Lola's side. But it doesn't matter because Lyndall has opened a whole other side of this battle Lola seems intent on waging against me.
What if her need to punish and use me for sex—something I'm happy to volunteer for, especially if it's like that electric sex full of fury in her room—isn't her digging in her heels or holding a grudge, but her wanting to protect herself, or her trying to make sure she's not making a mistake?
Which she isn't.
I'm the first one in line after Lola to state I don't knowwhat this is or where it's going, other than she's still in my heart. She has been my entire life.
I'm grown up enough to know she isn't that kid, and neither am I. I'm mature enough to see that feelings for her don't have to mean anything other than a lifetime of knowing her and a foray on the path of sex and obsession as adults.
But am I man enough to admit to myself this isn't the same love from the past? This is new, and it's all for Lola.
And I'm the one destroying it all.
Maybe Lyndall is right in that I can be morally Schrödinger's cat. I'm both right and wrong at the same time. And opening the lid is more about how I am with her than how she's feeling.
I can't change how she's feeling. But I can try to make it up to her. Try to even the slate.
