I groan. "I like her. I didn't realize I'd like her more than what it started out as."
"You fucked up," Silas says.
I frown.
Is this how they see me? Someone who has to fuck it all up if it doesn't start fucked?
"All I wanted to do was the best thing for her. I'll be fucked if I'm going to apologize for that." I look at them both. "When I want relationship advice—and this isn't a relationship—I'll ask for it."
Silas lets out a low whistle. "Sure. But keep going like this, and you'll be making sure there's no chance of a relationship to worry about."
Fuck.
Chapter Eleven
LOLA
Every now and then,when I'm least expecting it, the words "I'm pregnant" drift through my mind.
And it throws everything to hell and back again.
It makes being cooped up in the most luxurious prison even more unbearable.
It makes me itch and want to squirm, like time is pressing down on me.
Pregnancy just complicates everything. And there are times when I'm ready for bed that I can barely wrap my mind around it all. Like when I've changed from my work clothes and after I've emailed in the finished work of the day through the limited access to the outside world—Enzo and the work computer server.
Pregnant.
It doesn't make sense.
Not the pressure to do something, anything, nor the wildness of my thoughts.
How do I know if this pregnancy will stick? I know the statistics, I've read books, and I've heard women talking about getting through the first trimester and how a highpercentage of pregnancies self-terminate before anyone ever knows.
I'm just pregnant. As in barely so.
If someone can be that, it's where I am. Barely, newly, just pregnant.
Being a mother hasn't been on a bingo card for me. It's not one I don't want, but it's not one I thought about, either. Down the line. One day. Those were on a future bingo card.
And now...
Now I need to decide what to do.
Maybe the pressure in me to get out of here, stronger than ever, is because if I'm going to get any early help on this, I need to get a move on and fast.
I put my hand on my stomach.
But...
Can I?
Shit, being a single mom with all my problems is complicated and hard-going. But if I'm going to do it, then getting away is paramount.
I close my eyes for a moment.
Paramount, sure.
