She stops ahead of me and turns. "If we're having this conversation, we're having it away from Lyndall. And if I find out you take this out on her, you'll never see me again."
My blood pounds.
Lola turns and stalks up the stairs.
What the fuck does she think I am? A monster?
"Taking what out on Lyndall? Fuck you, Lola. You should know me well enough to know I love and adore her. I'd never—" I swallow. "Not even when I thought she was the one, was I blaming her. Now him, on the other hand..."
Lola doesn't stop, doesn't turn back, and keeps going, sailing into her suite, leaving me to just follow.
A disgraced puppy, for fuck's sake.
"I'm tired, Enzo." She goes to get her sleep T.
"So what? This isn't done. I thought we were in a good place since you forgave me. You do remember the meaning of the word?" I pull out my phone and open up the dictionary app. "It means?—"
"I know what it means, Enzo." She sits on the bed, her hands clasped as she takes a heaving, shuddery breath and blinks fast.
In that instant, I know I've been fooling myself.
She hasn't forgiven me. She's done nothing of the sort. She's been...what? Playing me?
But I amend that, because I'm not sure how she could when I'm the one who has her under lock and key. And we've been out twice. She's been in the office. She had drinks with her friend. And each and every time, she made no move to escape.
When I was with her, I never saw her check out means to get away.
It'd be hard, but not impossible.
Even with Lyndall, who's been watched and escorted to her classes next door to my place, and when I had security out at her recital, she could get away, too, if she tried hard enough.
This kind of protection, and I concede might feel like imprisonment, takes two people to trust. Me to trust the person not to run, and them to trust I'll keep them safe.
So, why is she looking at me like some hot and sexy monster she hates herself for wanting? And why is she so close to tears?
I try to think of the right words, try to fight through theanger that's bubbling away, the frustration wrapped tight around my throat. But it's fucking difficult.
"The betrayal is so huge, Enzo. I'm not sure how to get past it. And that's the bare-boned truth. I take a step forward, and then I reel back. And I don't want to. But I can't..." She lifts her gaze to mine. "How do I do this?"
"Forgive me?"
"Yes."
"I don't know." And I don't.
I want to say time or try harder, but I get it isn't as easy as that.
But her words rock me.
She could have told me this instead of pretending all is good. Just like she could have told me about her pregnancy.
Isn't that betrayal, too?
"I've been trying so hard. And I could have fallen for you as Alex. Maybe that's a big part of it. Because every time I try to get past it, I think of how you pushed me to fall into Alex's web...yourweb. You made me trust him, want him."
"And you liked it. I didn't mean for Alex to go where it did."
"But you still let it, didn't you? And worst of all, I told you all about you, and then, as Alex, you pushed me into erotic games about you, Enzo. You as Alex pushed me to pursue you as Enzo. That was really fucked up."
