I give him a hard look.
"Who gave you my number?" A pause. "Yes, I am. But I'm curious."
Suddenly, the smug look he is starting to exude vanishes. "Who the fuck's Alex?—"
"I'm Alex," I mouth, pointing to my chest.
He is good enough, he pivots mid-confusion. "I know a few Alexes."
Fuck, she is saying something, and I motion to him to put it on speaker, but he shakes his head and mouths back, "Not on your fucking life."
"Wait, I'm getting a text." He glares at me like I have gone and lost my mind, and it occurs to me I probably have.
"Play along," I whisper.
"You owe me." And then he raises his voice so she can hear. "Alex Blatt."
My eyebrows rise high.
He frowns. "How much?"
I mouth, "On the house, you owe him."
This time, he rolls his eyes. "On the house. I owe him a favor, and he owes me money. I will help you, and he can pay up. He's rich. And I will do that." He silently swears. "And what, exactly, do you want me to do? See if this untrustworthy-sounding Ernie is a criminal?"
I'm too far from him to kick, so I down my drink and lean forward, nabbing the bottle and refilling my drink.
"Sorry, Enzo. And...oh, oh, I see. You want a background check. It shouldn't be a problem. It is a specialty."
He shakes his head and eyes me like I have grown another one of my own. "Oh, sure, you can trust Alex. If he says I'm good, I'm good. Some might say the best...and yes, I will get it done as soon as possible."
Silas turns then and jots down some things she says to him. Probably her number and name. "Thanks, Lola...No problem. It is never too late for me. This kind of job means weird hours. And if I'm sleeping or busy, the phone is on silent. I will get back to you in a day or so."
He hangs up, then rises and stomps over, taking the bottle. When he returns to his chair, he just nods at me.
"I tried to get here in time."
"Ever heard of this fucking new thing called a phone? You can call. Text. Send me the message in emoji form if you wish." Silas blows out his breath and takes a swig. "But I don't like being made to look like the world's most incompetent PI."
I shrug. "You didn't. Second worst."
"Thanks, and fuck you, Enzo." He offers me a tight smile. "Who the fuck is Lola, and why are you pretending to be someone named Alex and having yourself investigated?"
"I don't want you to investigate me. Just tell her you did. Maybe you are incompetent."
"Maybe you should fuck yourself for real?"
"Impossible."
"You have no imagination."
"I have a great imagination. I'm just not a pervert."
Silas starts laughing. "And I'm the Santa and Easter Bunny crossover."
"Fuck off."
I take another sip of my drink.
