Alex
I think eventually just watching you, Lola, won't be enough for me. I will want more.
Me
But you don't now?
Alex
Never said that. I do. Of course, I do. And I will tell you this for nothing, I can't think straight when I watch you. What you did...if that's the start, then...wow. I think about fucking you All. The. Time.
I bite my lip. His words set those fires in my lower belly ablaze again.
Me
I have thought about it, too.
Alex
Really?
Me
Yeah, and maybe one day those fantasies can become a reality.
Alex
Let's talk more tomorrow. You have got work tomorrow, like me. Sweet dreams, Lola.
Me
Sweet dreams, Alex.
I put the phone down and close my eyes, my heart both light and heavy.
I meant what I said, only...unfortunately, I guess, for me, it is not just Alex I can't stop thinking about.
There is Enzo.
Anyone else, and I wouldn't care.
But Enzo? And like Alex, he is beginning to consume my thoughts, and it is confusing as all hell. Like, shouldn't I just be thinking about one and not both equally?
Truth is, from when I can remember, I have had a crush on Enzo. I have worked so hard to block it out. But here it is, big and ugly, and there in its truth.
But how on earth can I tell Alex that when I can barely tell that to myself? I know history has something to do with it all. It is why I can't tell Ruby.
But Alex knows some of it all. Some of why I wanted Enzo looked into.
Except, Enzo has whitewashed himself, just like I guess I whitewashed the crush from my own mind until Alex used him as fantasy fodder for us.
It is funny because I can't ever see Enzo doing a thing like stepping out of the way for someone else. Can't see him being the beta male Alex made him.
I try and put him in that role, out of fantasy and into real life.
It works in fantasy because fantasy Enzo in that scenario has nothing to do with real Enzo. In real life, Enzo is anything but beta.
When I was younger, the sun shone from him and lit up all the dark corners of my life. If I hurt my knee, Enzo was there. If I got forgotten when Dad was in his meetings with Enzo's father, Enzo would be there. And even then, he wasn't shy or retiring or a yes man... Well, yes boy.
