Ross regretted this conversation was occurring at a moment when he couldn’t draw her to him. They were locked on their own sides of the truck. “The size of the world doesn’t matter. It’s your world regardless. And he’s still your dad. Maybe things have changed, but you’re strong enough to handle it.”
Shiny eyes turned to him. “How are you not angry and bitter about all of this? I want to be angry and bitter for you. Do you want to climb up on my pedestal? I just had a spot open up.”
Ross gave a short laugh. “Ihavebeen angry and bitter, but ten years is a long time to hold on to all of that. And I don’t want to be on any pedestal, even yours. I’ve screwed up way too much to know I don’t deserve to be anywhere near one. Maybe you should figure out what you can do to be on your own pedestal.”
The truck filled with silence again.
“What happened to your parents?” A flash of horror swept across her features. “Sorry. I didn’t—I’ve always been curious, but you don’t have to answer.”
“It’s okay. They were killed in an accident. It was my mom’s birthday, and they wanted to go to the state line to gamble and celebrate. My grandpa was my babysitter.” Mia’s hand slipped into his which had been resting on his right thigh. He squeezed her hand in return. “They didn’t even get there. Got a flat tire around Kyburz, pulled off to change it. But, you know, it gets so dark and curvy there. Anyway, some other car hit them.”
“Oh god. That’s horrible.”
He nodded.
“And Luna lived with you guys, too?”
“Yeah. Apparently, my aunt was a little wild and Luna was the result of one of those times. Lulu’s father was never in the picture. They both lived with us for a time but then Aunt Amy decided she needed a hundred percent fresh start and for some reason that meant moving to the other side of the country with a new husband and leaving Luna behind.”
“What? I can’t even understand that. Did she even stay in contact?”
“She did at first, but it got to be less and less frequent. Lulu used to get so upset, and she broke one of the windows in her bedroom. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that. We would just hold her and let her cry. Anyway, that was our world.”
Mia turned to the passenger window again. “I know it hasn’t always been easy, but I’m glad our worlds connected. You’re a good person, Ross.”
He swallowed, and silence lingered in the atmosphere. No matter how casually Ross could discuss his past and his flaws, there was no denying that they continued to trail him whether he wanted it or not. After he’d taken his jewelry store responsibilities seriously, Ross preferred a life spent in the solitude of his workshop. He could put his head down and focus on work alone. Cutting himself off from most of the outside world was both intended and desired. Ross could tell himself he didn’t care about society as much as it didn’t care about him. The separation had been mutual.
Except this wasn’t true anymore. Mia had invaded his life like a swarm of dazzling golden butterflies, and Ross realized how much he was missing. Now that he had it, he didn’t want to lose it or for his world to return to one without butterflies. But, in its uncertainty, what she gave him no longer felt substantial enough.
It kinda feels like a date, she had said earlier at breakfast.
Ross didn’t want it tofeellike anything. He wanted it tobe. But, same as knowing she would have accepted his invitation to the prom, it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of their temporary companionship. And he didn’t want to reveal his own hunger and vulnerability.
He would keep these locked away. Instead, he’d revel in the tiny moments. Like when her body curled into him, she’d always release a soft, satisfied sigh. His heart was filled to the brim with these little sighs.
Or when she’d pop into the store during the day bringing tea for Aanya, Americano for him, and a day-old muffin for Hermes. The smell of coffee regularly invaded his workshop like a ray of sunshine, and Mia would hug him from behind as he sat on the stool.Hello, Rosso, she’d say before pressing a kiss to his neck.
Her conversation used to be filled with things about scholarly papers and submissions, but lately this had been replaced with things that ignited a gleam in her eyes which had nothing to do with school. Perhaps this gave Ross the greatest hope of all.
He glanced at her at the other side of the truck cab and reached across the expanse, his fingers slipping her hair behind an ear. “Are you excited about going to your camera store?”
For the first time since she got into the truck, a spark lit her eyes. “Yes. I feel like I’m eight, and my parents just promised me a trip to the toy store.”
Seeing her happy became the most important thing for him at this moment, and she had given him an easy mission to fulfill. “We’ll go after I finish with the buyer.”
With this, the old Mia Russo returned. Throughout lunch, she was all grins, sparkling eyes, and dimple as she teased him and made him laugh. His mind was ruthless and unforgiving in its ability to remind him this wasn’t a real date. Mia wasn’t a real girlfriend. What he had wasn’t a real future. Still, he had become greedy and wanted it. All of it. The hand-holding, the commitment, and being able to count on a partner to share life’s minutes, months, and years with. He wanted the full calendar. Going back to what Ross had before was like telling a person to be satisfied with stale bread after spoiling them with a feast. Now he could see how starved he’d allowed himself to become before Mia.
As they were leaving the sandwich shop, a voice called to her. “Mia! Mia Russo!”
They turned, and a woman with burgundy curly hair and an unflappable force, smiled a wide, toothy grin at Mia.
“Lizzy!” Mia exclaimed, and the two women launched into a full-body hug as if celebrating one of them no longer being lost. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this. How are you?”
“Girly, you are in big trouble, do you know that? You’re lucky I’m still talking to you. You never replied to my text.”
Mia snapped a hand across her mouth. “Oh my—You’re right. I did see it and then I got busy with something else and forgot. I’m so sorry.”
Lizzy’s deep brown eyes gave Ross’s body a slow, careful perusal. “Yes, I can see you’ve been busy.”
