“You don’t understand,” I say, feeling one hundred years old. “You weren’t there when I’d have to
hold him to stop him from hurting himself. Or when he’d scream for hours. You weren’t there, and you
have no idea how much he needed me.”
“You just said it, though,” Nick says, sliding up to sit right at our feet, smack dab in the kicking
zone. “Needed. He needed you desperately for a long time. We all know that. But Jonas is not that
little kid anymore. I don’t think you need to worry about him nearly as much as you do. I mean, I don’t
know for sure, but at work, it feels like you spend the whole day checking on him. What exactly are
you looking for?”
“He might need me,” I say dumbly. This conversation is not going the way I thought it would. At
all. “I want to make sure I’m available to him.”
“Right. But do you think he doesn’t know where you are? Or how to use a fucking phone? Will he
just sit in his office and scream until you find him?”
“No.”
“So then, what are you so afraid of? Why do you worry so much?”
“Because I don’t know any other way to be! He’smybrother. He’smyresponsibility.”
A throat clears, and my head snaps up to lock on the figure in the doorway. Everything in me
collapses as I meet his gaze and see the hurt swimming in it.
“Jonas,” I whisper.
“Is that what I am? A responsibility?”
17
ZACH
I ’m vaguely aware of Becca and Nick exiting the room. Jonas steps in further, letting the door fall
closed behind him. The shouts and grunts from the dojo’s main sparring area are muffled. The
frosted glass of the door and glass wall lend us privacy, but I still feel like there’s a spotlight
shining on us.
“Is that how you see me? As a responsibility?” Jonas asks again. The pain lacing his tone tears
through me. I open my mouth to reassure him, but he shakes his head. “No. No more telling me what I
want to hear. No more lying. Just tell me the truth.”
“The truth?” I ask. “What do you want me to say? I’ve been responsible for you since Mom and
Dad died. That’s all I meant.”
