like her life depends on it, striking anything and everything she can, Becca adjusting her form when
she’s about to hurt herself.
This isn’t like the other women. There’s something happening here that’s deeper than self-defense.
Through the layers of padding I’m wearing, it feels more like she’s fighting her way free of something.
Maybe free of her past or her misconceptions. I don’t know exactly what, but judging by the slow,
steady roll of tears down her cheeks, it’s big.
She’s killing me. I mean, yeah, my balls are taking a beating, but I hate seeing her hurting. So far,
though I’ve seen her emotional, I’ve never seen her crack like this, and all I want to do is wrap her up
in my arms and tell her how amazing she is.
15
MAYA
T he sob is trapped in my chest, but I don’t want to let it out. I’m on the verge of a breakdown, I
can feel it, but doing that in front of the man I’m currently beating on seems wrong. Winding
down, my muscles twitching and cramping, I can’t force myself to stop. Every strike on the
padded suit reverberates down my arm and into my chest. The chest that’s felt hollow for so long.
Becca’s right. It’s not just Birdie’s death…I’ve felt disconnected from the world for a long time.
Maybe my whole life. But now, the physical sensations are bombarding me. I feel everything.
And it’s terrifying.
And exhilarating.
And terrifying.
Did I mention terrifying?
How do people live like this? Just raw and exposed to the world? My skin feels so thin, like the
brush of a feather would tear it open and spill me out.
My body’s heavier than it’s ever been, my feet almost feeling weighted to the ground. Is this what
the rest of the world feels like? All these aches and pains, and rushing blood and tight fingers?
I think I hate it as much as I crave more of it. The rush of sensation has me whirling, spinning,
finally forcing me to stop, hands clutched tight to Zach’s padded shoulders. I stand there, head bowed,
forehead nearly touching his chest as I breathe. His arms, covered in padding, steady me, lending me
his strength.
Zach’s been a revelation today. The women in this class are diverse, and he seemed to pay
