“Because I’ve tried to be someone different, and it doesn’t work.” He slashes his hand between
us in frustration. “If people like you, it has to be because they know you and like you. The good and
the bad. Acting like a different person is not sustainable. At all.” He stares down at his hands and
runs his thumb over his fingertips. “At some point, you will slip and return to the person you are.
Then the people around you will disappear, complaining that you’ve changed. It isnotworth it.”
The conviction in his voice hits me hard. He’s not guessing or theorizing. “It happened to you?”
“Yes. It is a mistake I don’t care to repeat.”
“Sometimes it’s easy to forget that I’m not the only person in the world that struggles.” I drop my
gaze, staring at the neat surface of my desk. “I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t socialize. Outside of
work, I barely spoke to anyone. And I didn’t realize how lonely I was until,” I slam my mouth shut,
not wanting to explain about Birdie, “well, something changed. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be
trying to better ourselves as human beings?”
Jonas drops his head and plants his hands on his hips. “Yes. I am coming to see that if something
is important, we need to…stretch.” He smiles at me sadly. “It is a slow and painful process…for me,
at least. I like you just as you are, Maya. If you are going to change, I urge you to think carefully about
your reasons why.” He turns and wanders to his office. I watch his retreating back as I mull over his
words.
I came here wanting something different. To be someone different. Someone who has friends and a
social life. And maybe, in the middle of the night, when I’m really honest with myself, someone who
is loved. I haven’t seen any examples of healthy romantic relationships, but that doesn’t mean they
don’t exist. But I would like to have someone. To matter deeply to someone. But in my thirty-four
years on this planet, I’ve never had that. I’ve never mattered that way to anyone.
Maybe it’s not in the cards for me, but I can admit that I haven’t actually tried. It’s easier to keep
to myself and dream about having something more, than to go out and try for it and fail. I can’t stand
failing at anything. Glancing up at the ceiling again, I can’t help but smile. All of these worries will
keep. For right this minute, things are looking up.
ZACH’S A CON MAN. THAT’S GOT TO BE IT. IT’S WAY TOO EASY FOR HIM TO SWITCH BETWEEN
shooting me dirty looks and flirting with his staff. He’s charming, he keeps the flirting from being
creepy with that smile of his, and everyone in this department falls at his feet. What would it be like
to be that magnetic? To walk into a room and know that you can have everyone eating out of the palm
