“Yeah, it would. It would let me know you see me.”
He frowns, “As long as I have my glasses on, or my contacts, I can see you very well.”
Chuckling, I lay it out for him. “You are a brilliant man, Jonas. Your brain is probably doing a
million things at a time. So sometimes, even when we’re in the same room together, I feel like you’re
looking through me. As if I don’t exist.”
His face falls, and he suddenly looks ten again. My urge is to smooth it over, and make him feel
better, and I grip the side of my pants to physically hold myself back.
“Many times, I do not see you,” he says softly, staring at the floor. “When I am working through a
problem, it’s like there’s a big screen in front of me, displaying what’s happening in my mind.
Everything else disappears.”
I’ve never heard him describe it that way. “Is it like that all the time, in your head?”
“No, not all the time. But a lot of it. But I do see you.”
Moving closer, I put a hand on his shoulder, gripping tightly, giving him a playful shake to let him
know we’re ok. He cracks a smile and sighs. “The next time I see you twist up your face, I’ll ask you
what’s wrong. Will that work?”
“Yeah, brother. That’ll work.” Sizing him up, finally registering the fact that he’s not wearing a
shirt, I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“Trying out various martial arts,” he says, like it should be totally obvious.
“Trying them out. What does that mean exactly? I thought you had to wear one of those outfits
when you train?”
“A Gi,” he says, scrunching up his face. “I don’t like them. The seams are too thick in the
shoulders. I don’t like the way it rubs. So they let me train without one. I have been coming for a few
months. I have to try them for a while to see if I like them.”
“I had no idea.”
“I already told you that you do not know everything about me,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Laughing, I move to elbow him in the ribs, feeling on more familiar ground. “I know, I know. I
heard you. I guess I’m just realizing that maybe that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It just means
there’s more of you to get to know. Think of all the long…deep…intense conversations we can have.”
Jonas easily dodges the elbow and kicks out at me, forcing me back. “We have to talk about
feelings?”
