When I wind down, exhausted by my fears, I gaze sightlessly out the window at the black night sky. There’s only a hint of the moon peeking out from between the heavy, drifting clouds. “What if this plan fails? What if I still end up going to jail?”
Declan tilts his chin down, meeting my eyes. “Won’t happen.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Yeah, I can. It won’t fucking happen. If something goes wrong, then we’ll handle it. If you end up being prosecuted, then you can be damn sure no jury would ever convict you. Besides...”
“What?”
“If worse comes to worst, I will have you out of here so fucking fast. You and Bree, wherever in the world you want to go, whatever you want to do, I got you. We could go anywhere, as long as there’s not an extradition treaty. That still leaves us with a lot of options. There’s a big world out there to see, Cara.”
I can’t decide if that’s the sweetest offer I’ve ever heard or the most terrifying. “You said ‘we.’ You...you’d go with us?”
His arms tighten around me, his chest moving with his deep inhale. “I can’t imagine being here without you anymore. Seeing you has been the best part of my day for years. Years, Cara. Now that you’ve let me hold you…I’m done for.”
I stare out the window as his words fill up the rest of the space in my chest. The elation they bring competes for space with the fear and anxiousness that overwhelmed me today. I want to tell him I feel the same way. That I have for a long time. That the last couple of weeks have been the best. But I can’t. Not yet. My life is a runaway freight train, and I need off this ride.
I press a reverent kiss to his chest, but I can’t hold his gaze. His eyes shutter. I’ve hurt him, not saying the words back. I see it. But he’s so good, he just pushes it aside. Like it doesn’t matter. Like his, feelings don’t matter.
His grin is sad. “I always knew you were out of my league,” he mutters. Something in his tone bothers me. I sit up so I can get a better look at his face.
“What do you mean? You think I’m too good for you?” I ask in disbelief.
He sits up and leans against the padded headboard of his King bed. “Exactly that. You are totally self-made, Cara. You have a drive in you that I can’t even begin to understand.”
“But you guys built all this,” I say, waving my hand at the massive room in the massive high-rise they built. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
He raises a knee, draping his arm on it. He’s so beautiful, hair mussed, his strength on full display. “I’ve always felt like,” he frowns, his hand curling into a fist, “like I wasn’t as important to our success as my brothers were.” An instinctive denial leaps to my lips, but he shakes his head, silencing me. “I don’t need you to convince me I’m wrong. I talked to Jonas about it a bit. He said we’re all a part of this and that without all of us, we wouldn’t be here, and that makes sense. It does. But it took nine of us to do this, Cara. And you did it alone.”
“But I didn’t do it alone. Colt invested--“
“You would have found other investors.”
“Probably. But I still needed investors. I had friends help me at the beginning with discounts on liquor and free labor. Bree worked the bar when she wasn’t at her day job. She didn’t cash any of her paychecks for the first year. I took on a lot of responsibility, yes, but I had lots of help too. You guys had each other. Is needing help to build something a bad thing?”
His lips twist. “No, I guess it isn’t. I hadn’t really thought about it like that. I think I just feel like a loser sometimes, sitting in the background behind my computers, like I did today. I really wanted to wait for you at that courthouse. It was all I wanted. But—“
“But you had to do what you do. I understand. I really do. Did I wish you were there? Yeah. But Ransom explained it.” This man. “I was obsessed with you for years. And most of that time, I figured I wasn’t good enough for you.”
His eyes bulge comically. “What? Why the fuck would you ever think that? Was it the money?”
“No, actually. It was you. You seemed so shy most of the time.” Am I really going to tell him this? “I dated a lot, Dec. A lot. Men love me, and they’re fun. And the ones I hung around with tended to be...easy. They were simple guys, happy to party, and not too challenging. I felt...in charge, maybe? Then you came along.” I didn’t know what I expected on his face. I hoped I wouldn’t see judgment or jealousy, but the grin on his lips surprises me. “You’re smiling,” I say dumbly.
“None of this is news, Cara. The first time you cornered me at work, I knew you were hell on wheels. You were so fucking confident. And beautiful.”
“I felt like that at first. But I think some of my confidence wore away when I realized you weren’t going to take me up on my offer. Men don’t turn me down, Dec. Ever. The self-doubts started creeping in. I felt...less and less like me.”
His smile falls. “I never meant—“
“I know. I do. You have no responsibility for any of that. That’s not why I’m bringing it up. I just wanted you to understand that it’s not an either-or thing. It’s not like you have confidence or you don’t. I can feel like I have the world in the palm of my hand in one area of my life, while another might be a dumpster fire. I think a lot of people are like that. I know for a fact Ransom’s confidence in business does not extend to you guys. He worries about you all constantly. Everyone has their own shit to handle.”
“How’d you get so smart?”
“By being stupid for a long time.”
“Cara...I’m done being stupid. I will be the man you need. I will prove it to you.”
I reach out, running my thumb over his lower lip. “I love you just the way you are. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”
