I wait, holding my breath, willing my heart to stop pounding so loudly so I can hear her through the door. Finally, I hear the slide of the chain, then the deadbolt unlocking. One stunning blue eye peeks out, looking past me.
“It’s just me. No one else knows I’m here.”
Her lips firm, but she swings the door open enough for me to slide through, then she closes it and locks it again. She leans against the door, eyes shuttered. It feels like she’s a million miles away from me, and I suddenly feel like that stuttering idiot all over again.
“Did something happen today?”
Her eyebrow rises questioningly. “Something? Lots of things happened today. Could you be more specific?” I curl and release my fingers over and over, trying to loosen some of the tension in my body. Her tone is ice cold. Her voice almost robotic.
“What the fuck happened? Cara, if I said or did something wrong, you need to tell me, so I can fix it.” I’m mentally replaying everything I’ve said and done since this afternoon. It’s a lot, but I can’t pinpoint a moment that would make everything go to shit like this.
Her face softens, and she takes a few steps away from the door. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Declan. It’s just...everything feels different right now. And today, I was reminded that maybe us...maybe this isn’t a good idea.”
My heart is in my fucking shoes. “What do you mean you were reminded? Why wouldn’t this be a good idea?”
She shrugs, but the movement isn’t casual. There’s a tension in her body that I don’t like. “Maybe we’re just too different. Maybe you need someone sweeter...or softer.”
“Doesn’t exist. No one’s sweeter than you.”
A slight flush colors her cheeks. “I’m not an easy person, Dec. I’m just not. I’m nothing like your sweet gamer girls. I just—“
“Enough,” I bark, striding towards her. Her eyes widen, and she backs up until she bumps into the door. Planting my hands on either side of her head, I lean in close, eyes locked with hers. “I’ve had sweet gamer girl. I’m not a fucking monk. I’ve dated. I’ve fucked around a lot. If I wanted that, I could have it.”
I press my cheek next to hers, the shell of her ear at my lips. “The day I met you, Cara, those women ceased to exist. They were just gone. You were all I could see. All I could think about. All I want. So whatever bullshit is in your head right now? Let it go. But if you can’t, or if you don’t want to, then it can all go back to the way it was, except this time I’ll keep my fucking eyes off you, and you’ll keep your hands off me.” I back up and put a few feet between us so I can really look at her. My throat feels tight. There are shadows in her eyes, and Zach’s words echo through my head. I can’t risk her thinking I don’t want her.
“It would fucking kill me, Cara, but I would do it if that’s what you want.” I wet my dry lips. “Do you? Do you want me to walk away?” She studies me, chest heaving, mouth slightly open, and doesn’t say a fucking word. I’m suddenly cold, my future stretching out before me in a big blur of nothing. Dropping my eyes, I head toward her, carefully reaching for the door handle so I can get the fuck out of here and find a big bottle to climb into. Her hand covers mine.
“Wait,” she says quietly. I freeze, but I can’t look at her. I can’t show her the devastation on my face or the tendril of hope unraveling. “Your family thinks I might hurt you.”
Back teeth clamped together, I let a wave of rage shudder through my body. “They had no right to say that to you. It’s none of their fucking business. I am not a child that needs protecting.”
“But what if they’re right? I’m not an easy woman. I’ve been told I’m a ballbuster by more men than I can count. I ju—“
“Shut up.”
Her eyes flash, her mouth opens to give me hell, and I swoop in, taking her mouth. Plundering, stroking. Cupping the back of her head, I hold her to me, not letting her escape me. Escape us. Because this? This fire between us? It’s the equalizer. That’s what nobody else seems to understand. I back off, just the tiniest bit, letting her breathe.
“You are a ballbuster. You are tough. You are strong and independent. You are all those things. But you’re also soft, and emotional, and overwhelmed sometimes. You showed me your soft spots, Cara. You showed me you. So why the fuck should we care what anyone else thinks? You and me? We work. And I don’t want to walk away from the possibility of us. Do you?”
She wets her lips, eyes still hazy. She slides her arms around me, hands fisting in my t-shirt. “No. I don’t want to walk away.”
I kiss her again in relief. In want. In need. She returns it all, matching it with her own. Pulling her tighter to me, I lift her, walking us over to the couch. I drop down, and she climbs on, straddling me. I’m desperate for another taste of her, but she pulls back, eyes worried.
“What happens tomorrow? What happens at work?”
I brush back her hair, tucking it behind her ear. My heart is pounding, but not with fear this time. I hear the hope in her voice, matching the hope in my heart. “What do you want to happen? They all have a pretty good idea of what’s going on between us. But we can keep things…quiet if you want.”
“I don’t want that. I don’t want you to run away from me anymore.” The echo of hurt in her voice kills me.
“I won’t, I promise. I’m done running. If I can’t think of something to say, or if I get overwhelmed, I’ll just do this.” I kiss her. Long, slow, deep. Until I can’t tell where I am in the universe.
“Good plan,” she gasps, trying to catch her breath. I hug her close, loving the feel of her lush body in my arms. She feels right here. Like it’s where she’s always supposed to be.
“Maybe we keep it mostly professional at work, then after...”
“Then after, we date?” I ask hopefully. “I’ve been thinking about the dating part, and I could take you to some of those fancy—“
Her fingers press against my lips. “Why don’t we play those by ear? I don’t really need fancy restaurants. I like diners and walking and just spending time with you.”
