“Right. Gotta stay warm.”
Moving to my bag, conscious of the sway of my hips, and the brush of my hair at my collar, I tease him a bit. I slowly unzip and slide his hoodie off my shoulders, leaving me in my silky t-shirt. Then I bend, ass out, and fish out my nightie. It’s mean, but teasing him, taking control this way, makes me feel steadier. It’s familiar, and I need that familiarity right now.
Shooting him, an only slightly wobbly smile over my shoulder, I head into the bathroom. Only when I’m inside, do I drop the act. I have to crawl into that bed. With him. And I can’t figure out if I’m excited or terrified by that idea.
27
DECLAN
S he’s curled under the covers, head on the pillow, tracking me as I move around the room. I’m stalling, I know it. But the tension in the room is thick. How the hell did I forget to consider what seeing me stomp that fucker would do? She doesn’t know me like that. I’ve never once shown her that piece of me. There are a lot of pieces of me she hasn’t seen.
Fighting has always been a part of who we are. On the streets, we had to be stronger than anyone else. Both individually and as a brotherhood. The cards were fucking stacked against me. Sure, I was tall, but I was always starving. There weren’t enough Big Macs in the world to fill me up. And I spent all fucking day screwing around with computers. As our business got bigger, I could’ve passed a lot of that shit on, but I thrived on being the smart guy. Not Jonas-level smart, but out of all of us, I’m the information god.
So breaking my fingers on some guy’s jaw wasn’t smart. Didn’t mean I stayed out of the fights, though. I just learned to use my elbows and knees more effectively. And hey, a bodyslam goes a long way to disarming your opponent.
“Are you afraid of me now?” I ask her. I wasn’t vicious. I didn’t toy with them.
She doesn’t move other than a slight crease on her forehead. I’m going to crack under the weight of her gaze. The weight of her judgment. Finally, she lifts the edge of the covers, “Come, lay down, Declan.”
I’m sliding into the bed before my brain even registers it. She could tell me she wants me to pat my stomach and hop on one foot, and I’d be doing it before I even realized. I don’t know how to do this, be this guy so wrapped up in a woman. I didn’t come close to this level of obsession in any of my previous relationships. I thought it would get better now that we’ve had some dates, but no, it’s so much worse. It’s like now that I know I have a chance, I’m completely fixated on her. It doesn’t help that we’re in this fucking bubble right now. No phone, no work. Nothing to do but her...I mean, think about her.
No, I don’t.
I’m thinking about getting in Cara. Problem is, it feels more like a possibility now than ever, so I’ve had to have words with my cock.
A lot of words.
“Declan,” she says quietly, bringing my eyes to her. She always has my attention, even when we’re not in the same room.
“Are you afraid of me?” I ask again, needing her answer. Needing it to be no. She wiggles closer until inches separate us, and our faces are lined up.
“I’m not afraid of you. You just...surprised me.”
“Surprised. Right. Because you didn’t think I could protect you?”
She winces but answers honestly. “I didn’t know you could handle yourself like that. I have no frame of reference for what you just did. I mean, you crushed that guy’s balls like it was no big deal.”
“Should I have let them beat the shit out of me? Maybe let them get through our door and hurt you? Is that more like what you were expecting? Did you want—”
“Shut up, Declan,” she orders with a frown. I clamp my mouth shut to stop the firehose of words I want to spew. “I can clearly see your body has changed over the last few months. I can see how strong you are. You can stop sounding so defensive.” I glare at her forehead, but I’m somewhat mollified. “You’ve just been this sweet, geeky guy who avoids any kind of attention. My attention, anyway, so seeing you walk toward danger blew my mind a little bit.”
“I don’t usually run from shit, Cara. That’s unique to you.” I bunch up the pillow and shove it further under my neck. Okay, maybe I do run from shit a little. But I have so many brothers, I don’t often need to get my hands dirty. Plus, they’re better at it.
“I can’t decide if that’s depressing or flattering,” she says with a snort.
“I can’t decide if it’s embarrassing or pathetic.”
Everything about her softens. “It was hard on my ego Declan, but I don’t think you should be embarrassed for being shy. If anything, I should be embarrassed for coming on so strong.”
“You were just being you, though. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re a confident woman.”
Her face screws up. She starts to speak, stops, then finally says, “I guess.” There’s more there, I’m sure of it, but am I supposed to dig?
“You have your shit together, Cara. Other than this stuff with Tyler, you’ve been the master of your destiny.”
Her lips curve into a smile. “Master of my destiny. You do play a lot of video games.”
There it is again. That feeling. The one that says grow the fuck up and stop playing kid games. Maybe I need to find some new hobbies. What do grown-ass men do for fun? Organize their tie collections? Watch sports? What?
