“What happened?”
The ache is back in my stomach. “He said some things that showed me what he really thought of me.”
She pushes up on her elbow, looking down at me. “Like?”
“Like I’m too old to spend all my time in clubs. Like I should have followed you home sooner that night instead of staying at the club.” I can’t look at her. “Like you got hurt because I wasn’t there for you.”
Bree drops back to the bed, tucking back in right next to me. “That’s total bullshit, you know that, right?”
“It doesn’t feel like bullshit. I should have seen that something wasn’t right with you. I should have known.” Bree reaches out, stroking down the bridge of my nose, then pinches the tip. “Ow.
Fuck.”
“Listen up,” she says, letting go. “I’m an adult. I know our dynamic got twisted when mom and dad died, but you haven’t been responsible for me for a long time. I made a choice, and I am the one that was living it. You’re not a fucking psychic, Cara.” I let her words penetrate that wall of guilt I’ve been carrying around for weeks. The one that formed at the hospital and wouldn’t fall, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I wasn’t at fault. I put so much stock in Declan and what he thinks of me that I let his words carry more weight than they should have.
“I don’t get how someone can know you for years and think that about you. He’s so wrong.” She’s shaking her head, and something about the way she says know you stops me in my tracks.
“I’m not sure he actually knows me,” I say slowly, rolling the words around. Testing their truth. “I mean, I saw him every day, but he never really talked to me. It was always me approaching him.” My stomach is churning. “I made a fool of myself, Bree. I threw myself at him every time I saw him. Maybe he was just too polite to ask me to stop. If a man had been doing that to me, I probably would have reported him to HR.”
“But he didn’t report you, though.”
“No, but he ran away from me. More than once.”
She pops up, eyes wide. “He ran away from you?” Her lips are twitching. “That six-foot-three hunk of a man ran away from you? Fuck Cara, I thought you had game.”
“Shut up,” I grumble. “It’s embarrassing. I’ve never been that girl. The one who chases the guy. I think I just lost my head for a while.”
“You’ve never had to chase anyone. You’re delicious, and all the men know it. So maybe he’s just not for you? Maybe it’s time to move on.”
“I see him every day, though. Moving on is not really an option.” I don’t tell her I still look for him around every corner. That I can’t go through the day without seeing him, even from a distance. I don’t tell her because I don’t want her to know how pathetic I truly am.
“You and I both know you could get another job in a heartbeat.”
“Did you forget I killed someone? I can’t see a future employer being stoked about hiring me.” Do you have to put something like that on your resume? Where would it go? Maybe under miscellaneous?
“You’re delusional. Even the news was saying it appeared to be self-defense. You’re going to be cleared any day now. But even if it was a barrier, the club is doing well enough to support you. You know that. The job is just gravy.” She crosses her legs, placing her palms on her knees. “Is that the only reason you were staying there?”
“No.” At her raised eyebrow, I repeat it. “No. He’s part of the reason. At least he was. But I really like it there. I love the rest of the guys. I feel like I earned a place there. If I left...”
“You’d lose them all.”
“Yeah,” I murmur. “It feels like I got to be a part of their family. I really liked it.”
“So then, it sounds like you only have one option.”
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“Go back to work, and make him wish he’d realized how great you were before. You can rub his face in it a little. And outside of work? Get back on the fucking horse. Ride a cowboy or some shit. I don’t know. Just find a new man and ride him.”
I’m laughing, and it feels so fucking good. “I can do that.”
I can. It would be easy. There’s not a night at the club that I don’t get an offer. Problem is, I don’t want to. But I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life wishing Declan would give me the time of day. So something’s gotta give.
It might as well be my panties.
I can find someone else. Someone who thinks I’m amazing and wants to be my everything. It doesn’t have to be him. It won’t be him.
“Why don’t we order a pizza? Watch Magic Mike. Maybe eat some ice cream while we’re at it.”
