“No, it’s not. It’s still a bunch of societal bullshit. Would you still like me?”
“Yes,” she admits grudgingly.
Chuckling at her expression, I drive my point home. “So you like me because I’m me? Funny, I like you because you’re you. Because you’re an amazing mom. Because you’re brave. Because you terrify my brothers. Because when I look at you, the whole world stills.”
Her eyes are glassy again, but she’s smiling. “You’re using your psychology shit on me, aren’t you?”
I hold up my fingers, spreading them half an inch. “Little bit.”
She shakes her head, smile fading. “You have to give me one of yours. What’s your biggest fear if we were dating?”
“That I’ll fuck it up and you’ll walk away from me. From all of us.”
She learns forward, eyes narrowed. “Fuck up how? What do you mean?”
“I don’t always have the best coping strategies, Evie. Fighting was a big one. But I won’t do that anymore. I already promised you. So if I get wound up or frustrated and I have no outlet, I’m afraid I’ll do something…unhealthy…and drive you away.”
“Coping strategies?”
“Yeah. I collect hobbies. Puzzles, art, making stickers, ships in bottles, whatever will keep my hands and brain busy. Working out is a huge one. And sparring with Becca.”
“Everyone gets frustrated Colt,” she challenges. “I don’t understand what would ever get you to the point where you’re wanting to fight?”
“Usually, feeling like I can’t take care of my family. Like I’m letting them down. The last time…that was about you. I realized I should leave you alone. Your family is so shitty, you deserve a good one.”
She snorts, shifting back. “So, basically, whenever you’re feeling like a martyr?”
I choke, coughing out a laugh. This woman. “Jesus, way to call me on my shit, Evie.”
“Am I wrong?” she asks with an arched brow.
“I wouldn’t have used those words…exactly.” She smirks, and I shake my head. “See. This is why my brothers are terrified of you.” I give her the truth. “I have a tendency to feel like everyone’s safety and happiness is my responsibility. You’re throwing me for a loop because, with you and Mia, all those instincts are roaring at me in a way I’m not used to.”
“How are we different?”
How are they different? How the fuck do I lay it out for her?
“Shit. I’m gonna get punched.” I mutter, eyeing her. “My brothers are big, capable guys, and I made sure they can take care of themselves. You and Mia though? I spend a lot of time worrying about you. If you’re safe. If anyone at work got too rowdy for you. If Mia’s ok at the daycare, or if some punk-ass kid is giving her trouble. I think about you all day long.”
I’m prepared for her to tear a strip off me, for basically telling her I’m afraid she can’t take care of herself, but she just sits there blinking. “Is that why you’re still driving me to work?”
“Partly. I know I can get you there safely. If I had my way, I’d walk you all the way inside, but I have a feeling you wouldn’t like that. Mostly, I just want to spend time with you. You can be…prickly sometimes, but you always let me drive you. And when you talk about your day…I don’t know. I just like it,” I say with a shrug, searching her face for any hint of her feelings. “Are you pissed at me?”
Her finger, carelessly tracing the stitches on the comforter, stills. “Pissed?” she asks with a confused smile.
“Yeah.”
She slowly shakes her head. “I’ve been on my own for half my life. Completely on my own. Nobody gave a shit if I made it home safely. So am I pissed that you seem to want to take care of me? Not even a little bit…but maybe it’s part of why this dynamic is confusing.”
It’s my turn to frown. “Confusing how?”
“Well, maybe your need to take care of us is making you confuse your feelings for more?”
Nothing is computing. “You are confusing me. What the hell are you saying? Speak English, woman!”
“That you don’t actually want to date me. You just want to make sure we’re ok.”
Jesus, this woman. “The fuck? You are the weirdest fucking woman. There are lots of people I take care of. Your friend Sonja is one of them. Remember? I’m good at it. But I’ve never craved spending time with a woman like I do with you. I need to see you. I need my fix. You taking my hand when you get in and out of the car, that simple touch, has been giving me fucking wet dreams for months.” I groan.
