I rub her back as I join Micah in the kitchen. “Mommy’s ok. She’s just really happy to see her friend, so she’s happy crying.” I choke back a laugh at her side eye. She’s not buying it.
“Mama sad, Horsey.” She corrects me.
“Horsey?” Micah gasps. Fuck. They’re all going to be calling me that by Monday.
“Colt honey. My name is Colt.”
She pats my cheek like the poor delusional man I clearly am. “No. You Horsey. Ok?”
“Ok honey. I was wrong.” I give in immediately, soaking in her smile of satisfaction. I’m in so much trouble already, and I’ve only known this tiny thing for a few hours. What will she be able to convince me of in a year? It’s terrifying to think about.
She turns back to watch Evie, leaning heavily into me until she’s resting her head on my shoulder. She’s so fucking light I barely feel her weight, but I swear I can feel her heart beating through my skin like it’s my own.
It feels so completely right to lean in, rubbing her back and whispering to her that everything is ok. I hate that she’s worried and I want her to stop … immediately. I don’t like it.
Evie and Holly finally break apart and join us in the kitchen. Mia immediately leans out of my arms, reaching for her mom. I let her go reluctantly, not liking how empty my arms feel without her weight.
She pats Evie’s face. “Ok Mama? You sad?”
Evie smiles widely, hints of her old brightness peeking through. There’s still a light in her, despite everything she’s been through in the last two years. I hope with time it’ll shine brighter.
“No baby, I’m not sad. I’m so happy to see Miss Holly. I haven’t seen her since you were a baby!”
Holly’s eyes are still leaking. “I’m so happy to see you again, Mia. Did you know I used to rock you when you were tiny? I’d tuck you right here,” she says, pressing her cupped hand in the middle of her breasts, “on my chest and we’d cuddle for hours.”
Mia looks intrigued at that, looking at Holly’s chest. Then she reaches out for Holly, squirming down to rest her head against her breasts. She sighs dreamily, “You boobies cozy.”
Micah’s emphatic, “Got that right, kid” cracks me up. Evie’s giggling behind her cupped hand, watching Mia nuzzle in. Holly’s laughing too, looking enthralled with Mia.
I get it.
“Evie, this is Micah,” I say quietly, wanting her to get over her unease with him. The unease is my fucking fault, and I want to fix it fast.
“Hi Micah,” she says, extending her hand to him.
He smiles warmly, no hint of his usual reserve with new people, “Evie. Glad here.” Then signs“Holly’s been freaking out. She’s changed three times and made about twenty different snacks for you guys. It’s good you came. If you’d waited any longer, she would have flown out and dragged you here by your hair.”
Evie’s eyes are wide as I translate for Micah. She tucks some flyaway hair behind her ears. “I…thank you for asking me to come. I didn’t mean to make it hard on Holly, I just…needed to try and handle things on my own.”
“I can respect that, but”he signs. “Don’t have to do…alone,” he says.
I’m so fucking proud of him. He spent most of his life unable to speak more than three or four words at a time. Only after meeting Holly did he decide to start work with a speech pathologist. I don’t give a fuck if he signs or speaks, but it mattered to him.
“He’s right, you know,” I say, “we didn’t get where we are without help. There were nine of us building all this.” I say, gesturing around the room. “That’s what families do, take care of each other, support each other.”
Her smile turns hard, brittle. “I can tell you for a fact that isn’t true. My family sent me away when I went for help. It’s nice that you guys have each other, though.”
She turns away, moving to Holly and Mia. Together, they pull food out of the fridge and grab plates. I want to pull her aside and find out what the fuck is up with her family. Holly thought she didn’t have any family left.
Micah pulls me to the side.“I heard about the shooting. It’s a good fucking thing she called. I thought for sure you were going to storm down there and make her come. I can’t believe you held out as long as you did.”
My mouth twists, and I stare at the wood floor. A surprised chuckle escapes Micah’s chest. “Fucker. You…were going?”
“Yeah,” I admit quietly. “I was going to force the issue next week.”
He hums, watching the women. “Better this way.”
“Yeah, it is.”
