“Yeah, that’s what you said then. What happened to this fucking god of a man then Victoria? Where is he now?”
Her eyes shift away, and I know.
“He fucking OD’d, didn’t he, Vic?” She nods. “When?”
“I dunno. Last week maybe?” Maybe? She doesn’t even know. Jesus.
“You were clean, Victoria!” My voice is raspy. I’m so sick of this. “Why the fuck would you do this to yourself again? Why couldn’t you have just stayed away from that shit? I tried so hard to help you!”
She laughs, the sound painfully rusty. “You’re so fucking stupid, Kade. I wanted you gone because you wouldn’t fucking stop trying to fix me. You turned into a fucking nurse, sucking all the fun out of life. I just want to live my life!” she yells. I shake my head. I swear my ears must be deceiving me.
“You’re telling me that this,” I wave at her pasty, frail body, “is living?”
“It’s way fucking better than living with your sick ass,” she sneers.
I can’t even fucking look at her. “I’m not the sick one here, Vic. You are. You’re a fucking shell of a person right now. You keep this up, you’ll be dead in a week.”
She cackles, throwing her head back, the sound piercing through me like blades.
“You don’t even know how sick you are, do you?" she says, as if I hadn’t spoken. “Oh god, it’s too good!” I don’t want to listen to another word out of her lying mouth, but I can’t make my legs walk away. “You have fucking mommy issues, Kade. Every single woman you’ve dated is just a replacement for her. You’re trying to fix us. Make us love you the way your poor dead mommy never did.” She snorts and tips sideways, burying her head in the cushions. “You’ll never keep a woman, Kade. Because you’re fucking broken.”
I stand there, unmoving, her words twisting through my chest, nicking and slicing as they careen around. The sound of Victoria’s gasping snores fills the space between us. She’s going to choke if I leave her like that.
I move to shift the pillows under her mechanically, making sure she can breathe. Huh. I hold my hands up in front of me, surprised they’re shaking.
I want to leave. Just walk out of this apartment, head down the elevator, and never look back. Never think of her again. But I can’t. Not a fucking chance I’ll sleep tonight wondering if she’s lying here dead. No matter how toxic she is. So I put my back against her front door and slide down till my ass hits the floor.
Her words are ringing through my head. I want to deny them. But there’s a little kernel of truth there that I can’t unhear.
I am broken.
I broke the first time I walked into our apartment and found my mom laying in a pool of her own vomit. I broke the day I did CPR on her the first time. Then the second. Then the third, when I was too late.
I know I have a type.
My phone lights up, and I see a text from Becca. Becca’s fucking different, I remind myself. She’s not an addict or a drunk. She doesn’t lie and cheat.
But I’m still the same person I’ve always been. I expect the worst. I’m always looking for it. I know if I look hard enough, I’ll find it. Becca is too fucking good for me. She’s going to end up sick of me and kick me to the fucking curb too.
23
KADE
Ipull into the Knight Street Garage lot at 5:00 PM sharp. What an exhausting twenty-four hours. Victoria didn’t breathe normally till sunrise. I sat, watching her the whole fucking night. Stuck with my own thoughts for company. When I finally left, I had just enough time to run home and shower before heading to the office.
Becca’s last text came through at midnight.Are you okay?
I didn’t know how to answer it.
No, I’m not okay. I don’t know that I’ve ever been okay. The situation I’m sitting in is not okay. But it’s my own fucking creation. I brought it on myself. My head is fucked. I must have written and erased twenty different replies before settling on.I’m okay. Sorry.
And I really fucking am. I let Victoria’s shit worm its way into me. I can feel her words battering away at the already broken pieces of me. I’m waffling between trying to hold on to Becca tighter and letting her go for her own good.
I smile through the windshield when I see Becca and Holly laughing at the desk. Those two are hell on wheels together. Watching how Becca pulls Holly out of her shell makes me so fucking proud of her. She’s one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. Not just book smart, but people smart. She seems to know when someone’s soft underbelly is showing, and instead of attacking it, she works to build them back up.
I’m not used to it. Where I grew up, showing any vulnerability was a surefire way to become a victim. There was always someone bigger and badder than you, ready to tear you apart. She’s so good. Too good for me.
Colton’s amused voice interrupted my thoughts. “We going in, dipshit?”
