“Because I’m a mess, Becca.”
Her snort startles me. “I’m shocked.” She smiles when I look at her in surprise. “We’re all a mess, Kade. Every single person on this planet. We all have baggage. We’ve all made mistakes. We all have things we wish we could go back and change. That’s fucking life. It doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving.”
Looking at those clear blue eyes, I could almost believe her. Almost believe there’s nothing wrong with me. That she sees some good in me.
Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to pretend for a while. Pretend that I’m worth loving. But she doesn’t know me. Not really. I know I should set her loose, let her go before she ends up stained by my darkness, but I won’t. I’ll selfishly hold on to her warmth for just a little bit longer.
“Kade,” her voice is like a magnet, drawing me back to her. “Take me home, Kade.”
I grip the wheel tighter, hoping I’m not imaging the invitation I hear in her voice. A better man would ignore that invitation. Would take her home and leave her at the door. Leave her to find someone who can be the man she deserves. A man who will put her needs first. But I’ve never been the better man. I lock eyes with hers.
“Spell it out, Becca.”
Her smile is knowing and so fucking sinful. “Take me home, baby. I want you tonight.” Her words are like a hit to the solar plexus, stealing my breath. I take a moment to breathe.
“I’m riding the edge already. You let me? I’m gonna use you up, Becca, “ I warn her.
Her predatory smile sucks the breath out of my chest. “You can try.”
Holy fuck. She looks dangerous and a little wild. I want to see what she can do to me. I turn on the truck and shift into drive, gunning it for the shop. Becca laughs and laces her fingers with mine, bringing my knuckles to her mouth. Her tongue darts out, licking my skin, making me forget my fucking name.
I can barely breathe as we swing into the driveway, and my headlights land on the figure of a woman sitting against the door to the office. I recognize the blonde hair and fancy clothes, even after all this time, and I close my eyes.
My whispered,“Fuck,” comes from the very bottom of my gut. I hope that it’s just a bad dream and everything will be okay when I open my eyes, but it doesn’t work.
It never does.
Not when I was sitting next to my mom’s body.
Not when I was lying in the hospital bed after being stabbed.
It never works.
“Who’s that?” Becca asks.
“Give me a minute, please,” I say, hopping out of the running truck. I take a deep breath before walking over to the woman and squatting down, all my plans for tonight fading away. “Victoria.”
She doesn’t move. Flashes of white clammy flesh and vomit-covered clothes flash in front of my eyes. Please, not again. I reach out and push her hair back from her face, rubbing her cheek. She looks like she’s wasted away since the last time I saw her.
“Victoria,” I say louder. She moans and bats at my hand, and my heart starts again. “Victoria. Get up right now.” I put my hand around her bicep and pull her up. Her arm is so fucking thin.
She resists before snorting and planting her feet under her. “So bossy, Kade,” she mumbles, sagging against me. She smells. A disgusting combination of vomit, body odor, and expensive perfume. I shift my head away to avoid her stink.
“Come on, Victoria. Let’s get you home.” I’m so tired of this. Of her. Of this fucking pattern. I hear the door of the truck open, then close, and my skin crawls. I don’t want Becca seeing this. Seeing HER.
“Kade, what’s going on?” Her voice is soft, hesitant.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Nothing you need to worry about. I’m sorry.” I need to get her away from Victoria. “You should head up to the apartment. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I can’t look at her. I don’t want to see the judgment and disappointment I know will be on her face.
The light from the headlights shifts and flickers, and she walks around me to Victoria’s side, reaching to take her other arm. Becca’s hands look so strong and capable against Victoria’s pale skin. I hate that she’s being exposed to this. To my fucked up past.
“Are you going to call her a cab?” Becca’s voice is hopeful. I should say yes, but I know I won’t. Even now, after everything she did to me, I just can’t just wash my hands of Victoria. I know I should. I know she’s not my problem anymore. In my head, at least.
“I need to take her home. Make sure she gets there safely.”
Becca studies me, then bites her lip and nods. “Of course you do.” Her words are soft and too knowing.
We don’t speak as we head to the truck. Becca opens the door and grabs her bag out as I lift Victoria and buckle her small form in the passenger seat.
