“This can’t go anywhere,” I say, my throat tight.
“Explain,” Kade demands, his eyes cold.
I shift uncomfortably, collecting my thoughts before answering. “I…maybe I was turning this,” I gesture between the two of us, “into more than you ever intended it to be. But I have never felt like this about anyone before, Kade. You have this way of looking at me that makes me feel like the most stunning woman in the world. And when you’re in the room, everything else disappears for me.” His brows relax. I tuck my hair behind my ears and clear my throat. “I think I built a bit of a dream about what a life together could look like. But I’m realizing that maybe it’s a bit of a pipe dream.”
“A pipe dream?” Kade asks gruffly. His eyes aren’t arctic anymore, but I miss the warmth he was looking at me with before. I blink back the moisture in my eyes, already grieving my dream.
“I had a small life, Kade. I traveled some, saw the world some, but I always came back home. I liked being at the Dojo. Having dinner with Dad, doing yard work on the weekends. It was simple and routine. And I loved it. If Dad hadn’t died, I would have stayed forever.” I smile, thinking of it. “I would have eventually gotten married and bought a house a block or two away. Maybe have a few kids. Raised some badasses.”
Kade’s finger is tapping on the table in a steady rhythm. “And you don’t see that with me,” he says flatly.
“You’re a billionaire. I can’t even picture how much money that is. Offering to fix my car…well fuck, you probably make three thousand dollars in interest in a day.”
His voice is impersonal, “More like five minutes.”
Holy crap.
“You are so out of my league. That restaurant we were at tonight. That’s where people like you eat. You drive expensive cars, go on exotic vacations. You have people mow your lawns and clean your houses. That life…it’s not for me.”
Kade nods slowly, grinding his teeth. “You don’t want to live the life of an entitled, lazy, rich asshole.”
No. I really don’t. Flashes of vapid celebrities and reality shows flash through my mind.
“Ah…I wouldn’t have put it just like that, but…yes,” I admit, hurrying to add, “I don’t think you’re lazy or entitled. But your life is on a trajectory that…well, just looking at the dresses the women in that restaurant stuffed themselves into makes my skin itch. I like leggings. And T-shirts. And hot dogs.”
Hot dogs? Really Becca? I want to slap myself in the face.
Kade’s expression shuts down, and he nods again. “Right. So you don’t want to wear expensive clothes and go to fancy restaurants. You don’t want to live in a high-rise or go on expensive vacations. So because of those things, you’re what…dumping me? You realize every other woman I’ve met wants those things, right? They would do anything for them.”
I sound stupid. It is stupid. And they’re just excuses. And I’m hurting him. I risk a glance at Kade’s angry face before dropping my eyes to the table and telling him the truth of it.
“I would embarrass you, Kade.” I hate that it’s true. I hate saying it. “You need a poised, sophisticated woman. Someone who can walk into any room with you and have all those rich, snooty people eating out of her hand. Someone who could be an asset to you.” I sigh and raise my eyes to his blazing ones. “I crapped my pants when I was eight. I always say the wrong thing. I will never have the body of a supermodel. And I don’t want to live in a world where I’ll always feel less than.”
I’m tempted to break under Kade’s relentless stare, but I’ve never backed down from the truth. I won’t now. We sit, staring for an eternity before he finally speaks.
“Who the fuck do you think I am?” His words are clipped, hard. He doesn’t wait for me to answer. “I ate out of a fucking dumpster, Becca. My mother was a junkie. I can’t even remember every crime I’ve committed, there’s been so many. I’ve been shot at and stabbed. And now, when I walk into an expensive restaurant, everybody knows who I am.”
He leans forward, flattening his hands on the table.
“And I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck.”
Kade’s eyes are blazing, but not with anger. “You think you’ll feel less than? That’s your fucking baggage. I know. I’ve been there. It was a long road to our first million. Then it was a fucking runaway freight train. We were rich before we knew it. So yeah, we did all the rich stuff. We bought planes. Went to ten thousand dollar plate dinners, went to fucking Ibiza. And you know what, Becca?”
I shake my head, his intensity stealing my breath.
“I fucking hated it. I hated how shallow most people were. I hated fucking caviar. I hated the stupid fucking galas. We all did.” Kade leans slowly back in the booth, continuing in a quieter voice. “We’ve walked through fire to get where we are. I have nothing in common with most of those people. Their worst day is a walk in the fucking park compared to what we’ve lived through. So you don’t want to feel less than? That’s your fucked up shit to handle. Because you’re already way fucking better than they are. Way stronger.”
I swallow thickly, his words rattling in my chest. I can’t tear my eyes from his.
“You were dreaming about us, Becca?” he asks gently, his anger fizzled out.
I nod dumbly, my mind spinning. Kade smiles slowly.
“What did you dream?”
I feel the flush rising in my chest. I feel naked. Exposed. Admitting everything I had dreamed about the last few weeks feels like too much. I shrug helplessly.
Kade’s smile softens. “I've never been with anyone like you, Becca. You’re the first woman I’ve been with that I could see…more…with. I’m pretty fucking gone for you, in case you haven’t noticed.” He leans forward, crossing his arms and resting them on the table. “You got me thinking things, Bec. You got me wanting to make plans. So tell me, beautiful Becca, what were you dreaming?”
