“Ineed to go,” I whisper. I can’t process anything more right now.
“I’ll take you,” Becca says, moving towards her purse.
“No. I’ll take the bus. Stay. Enjoy your Saturday.” I can’t lean on her forever. And she deserves to have some time with her guy. I can’t call him her boyfriend. There’s nothing boy about him.
“Not a chance, Hol. I’m taking you, or Kade is. You pick.”
I feel that anger rising again, but push it down. She’s trying to help. I know that. But she’s treating me like a child. I know how to take the bus, for heaven’s sake. I’ve been doing it since I’ve been on my own. Normally, I wouldn’t mind skipping the bus, especially since summer’s here. A hot summer day means the air in the bus will be an awful body odor soup.
It’s gross, but I’d rather be on a bus with sweaty, hard-working people than married to Brent and driving a car. The bus means freedom to go where I want, when I want. Usually anyway. As I meet her gaze, I realize she won’t let this go, and I don’t have the energy to fight. I nod yes, and say a quick apology to Kade, then move to wait by the door.
I watch from the corner of my eye as Becca hugs and kisses Kade goodbye. They look good together. Both tall and strong, his large frame complementing her curvy body. She looks completely at home in his arms, and he looks like he never wants to let her go. I’m more likely to discover a Unicorn than find a relationship like that. From everything I’ve seen, they’re rare, only for special people like Becca and Kade.
As we wait for the elevator, I have to twist my fingers together to stop myself from knocking on Micah’s door. My need to check on him is strong, but it’s not my place. He can barely stand me, and honestly, until today, I avoided him as much as possible. It’s hard to be around someone who seems to actively dislike you. Add in the six-and-a-half feet of pure muscle, and there’s no way I can bring myself to approach him.
It didn’t start out that way. The day I met him, I thought his eyes were so warm, his smile so welcoming. I wanted to poke my finger in his dimples, for God’s sake. Then I tripped and freaked out, and he got grumpy. Any chance we had at being friendly was gone in seconds.
Besides, he’s too big. Or I’m too small. Either way, just standing near him makes goosebumps break out on my arms. I’ve never felt anything like it before. It must be my gut’s early warning system or something.
The ride down to the parkade is silent. I hide my smile when I see Becca’s old car parked next to Kade’s huge, shiny truck. I wonder when she’ll cave and let him buy her a new one. He’s been alternating between begging and ordering her to let him buy her something safer.
Beyond it is Micah’s black car. The rest of the vehicles in this secured section of the parkade must all belong to the rest of Kade and Micah’s brothers. There’s everything from a yellow hummer to a fancy sports car. I have no idea what kind of car it might be, but it looks like it’s worth more than some of the other vehicles combined. The only other car that really doesn’t look like it fits is a shiny blue minivan. I have to know, “Which of the guys drives a minivan? Do they have kids?”
Becca glances over at the van and snorts. “Jonas drives the van. He doesn’t have kids, but he says it’s one of the safest vehicles on the road, so he bought one.” She snickers a bit. “He’s usually the DD when they go out, and all the guys rave about the push button sliding doors.”
“That's…nice.” I say.
It’s weird.
They’re all a little weird, honestly. Becca snorts some more and waves me into the car.
“Jonas is an odd duck. A very loveable one, though.” It’s clear by the warmth in her voice that she likes him and it makes me want to meet him. I like the idea that I could be connected to other people through Becca. That the guys could be more than my bosses. Like, maybe we can wave hello to each other. Maybe chat about the weather. I like the idea of being seen by them. I’ve spent so much of my life invisible that the idea of other people caring about me, even just a bit, is tantalizing.
Becca’s running chatter fills the silence on the way home. I respond when necessary, but she seems to be able to carry on the conversation by herself. My mind is occupied with thoughts of Micah. What actually happened today? He’s a puzzle I’m missing pieces to. Micah didn’t act the way I expected him to, and I feel off balance. It’s safer when I can put people in a box. Today, Micah escaped thegrumpy guy I need to avoidbox and I need to figure out how to stuff him back in.
“Why was Micah crying?” I ask suddenly. Becca’s words stutter to a stop. I’m worried she won’t answer, but she glances at me out of the side of her eye.
Her words are soft, and I lean towards her so I don’t miss a word. “You burst a blood vessel in your eye…how did that happen?”
Shifting in my seat, I focus on the taillights of the car stopped in front of us. “I threw up after I saw Brent.”
She nods, her lips tight. “Micah is having a hard time with…” she trails off and gives me a guilty look.
“Me,” I clear my throat. “He’s having a hard time with me.” I knew he didn’t like me, but I didn’t realize it went this deep.
Becca bites her lip and props one elbow on the door. “I…it’s not really my place to say, but…” she sighs heavily. “Fuck it.” She leans her head on her fist. “Micah’s dad beat his mom, and him, pretty badly. It went on for a long while.” I suck a breath in, my eyes tearing up. He’s so stable and solid, I never would have known. “I think he’s struggling,” she continues, “with the way you panicked when you met…then again today.”
My hackles rise and my tears dry up. “He’s been glaring at me the entire time I’ve worked at the garage.” It’s not fair. Most things in life aren’t fair, at least in my experience, but I thought working at the garage was going to be better than my old job. In a lot of ways, it is. No one hits on me or corners me there. But having Micah not like me is…embarrassing.
Becca talked so much about how great he was, and then he meets me and hates me. It makes me feel…worthless. That’s a feeling I’ve been trying very hard to expel from my body, but its teeth have sunk deep. I promised myself that when I left Brent, I wouldn’t let anyone treat me like I was less than. I learned pretty quickly that I couldn’t keep that promise and stay employed. Turns out most bosses think their office staff are less than. At least all the bosses I’ve had to think that way. And now Micah, too.
“He’s not angry with you Holly,” she finally says, turning onto my street. “He’s just struggling with a few things.”
“Right. And he only struggles around me? That’s bull crap, Becca. He smiles and acts normal with everyone else in the garage. It’s just me. I’m the one making him grumpy.”
My breath is speeding up. I’m going to have to get a new job. While technically Kade is my boss, Micah’s part owner of the garage. If he wants me gone, I’m gone. Tears prick my eyes at the precariousness of my situation. I am so alone. And If I lose this job, I don’t know what I’ll do. Living in the city is way more expensive than back home, so I haven’t been able to save anything. Brent never let me work, instead giving me a strict allowance, so saving money was impossible. It if wasn’t for Evie, I wouldn’t have had anything when I ran. I have less than $200 in my bank account now. My financial safety net is non-existent.
Becca’s voice halts my spiraling thoughts. “You need to talk to him, Holly. There’s a lot going on with him you don’t understand. I’m not even certain he realizes what he’s doing at work. Just…talk to him. I think the way he’s reacting to you is because he’s upset you were hurt.”
