“Because I love her and I want to be with her.”
“Ok…but she’s in your bed every night. You’re already with her. Why do you need the ring?”
“It’s a commitment. A promise.”
“What’s the promise?”
Kade exhales, seeming to deflate. “That she’ll stay with me always. That she’ll never leave.”
“Give the man a prize.” Colt says, slapping Kade on the shoulder.
“It’s desperate, right? I’m trying to make sure she never leaves me. So when the fuck do I propose? Or do we just…never get married?”
“You propose when you’re no longer afraid she’ll walk out on you. Not until then.”
“What he said,” Colt agrees.
“Well, fuck.”
“What about you, man? How’s playing house with Holly?” Kade asks with a smirk.
Fucker’s deflecting, but I’ll give him a pass. “We’re good. Great, I guess.”
“You guess?” Colt asks.
I exhale heavily, turning to lean my shoulder on the floor to ceiling window.“I took five cold showers yesterday. I feel like I’m going to crack from the second I wake up to the moment I go to sleep.”
They both laugh, but Colt’s eyes are knowing. “Her demons riding her hard right now?”
“Yes. I’m walking on eggshells around her, always making sure I haven’t said or done the wrong thing. She would be fucking gutted if she knew that, though. So I pretend.”
“But things are progressing, right? She’s getting counseling and making positive strides?”
Colt’s so in your face most of the time, it’s easy to forget he’s nearly got his Masters in Psychology. Fucker didn’t tell us until a couple of months ago. Well, he told Kade, but no way would Kade keep that shit to himself. So now everyone knows.
I shoot him a side eye, but nod. “Yea, she’s progressing. We’re having a lot of fucking fun. I’m just worried about the day she’s going to tell me she’s ready for sex. I’m dreading it. In her head, it’s like the last big hurdle before she can truly be mine. And I don’t want to fuck it up.”
Colt rubs his beard, his mouth turned down. “That’s pretty normal, brother. Watching you with her, it’s clear she trusts you. You’ll handle her right when the time comes.”
Somehow, his confidence makes me feel better. Maybe I can handle things.“So, I just keep doing what I’m doing? Follow her lead?”
“Yeah, man, that’s the only way. Also…um she’s tiny. So maybe don’t be on top. At least for the first few times.” He scowls, neck red. “You don’t want to make her feel trapped.”
“Right.” I mutter. I’d thought about that too. The idea of making her feel overpowered makes me feel sick to my stomach.“I just wish…I was better for her.”
“There’s no one better than you. No one.” Kade says seriously.
I scowl at him, appreciating the sentiment, but not in the mood.“I wish I could talk to her. Just say what I’m thinking. I hate having to take my hands off her to communicate with her.”
“I thought you were at peace with your aphasia.” Colt says.
“Was,” I mutter,“until I met her. Now everything feels different.”
Colt studies me with knowing eyes. “What do you need, brother?”
I study the boats out on the lake, and the little people in them that look like little ants. “Help,” I admit quietly.
Colt’s heavy hand lands on my shoulder. “There’s a Speech Pathology program at the U. I can ask around, get you the name of someone good.”
