I chuckle, but it comes out sounding sad. “Yeah, well, I’m not.”
“Have you told her that?”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me. “She won’t hear it. She’s made it pretty damn clear she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Nate—”
“I gave her mom’s locket, y’know that?” I interrupt, unable to stop talking now that I’ve started. I’ve been holding all this in for so long. “She was the one, Liz. I told her I wanted to marry her. And she hates me.”
“You have to talk to her. Tell her that you’re sorry and you’re miserable without her.”
“She won’t care. She thinks I ruined her life. Ain’t like it’s not true. And hell, I think she’s dating somebody new anyway. She was all but fucking Holloway right in the hall the other day.”
Ugh. Thinking about Iris kissinghim, touchinghim…it makes my stomach twist.
I guess I can’t blame her, though. Smart dude like that probably knows exactly what he should and shouldn’t be doing. Probably doesn’t have to look shit up like an idiot.
“Then at least you’ll know you tried. If you don’t, you’re never gonna forgive yourself for letting her walk away. You gave hermom’s locket, Nate. She’s special.”
“Plus,” she adds when I don’t respond right away, “I liked her way better than any of your other girlfriends.”
Hearing that my sister approves undoes something in me. I wasa littleworried about how my family would react to Iris being transgender. It wasn’t gonna change how I felt about her, but now I know I don’t have anything to worry about.
“I hate when you make sense.”
“That’s what sisters are for,” she says, “And Nate?”
“Mhm?”
“Make sure she knows it’s not her job to carry all this on her own. That you’re willing to stand by her.”
“Right. Of course I am.”
“I know you are. Now get some sleep. You don’t wanna try to get Iris back with dark circles.”
I chuckle, running a hand through my hair. “Sure, wouldn’t want that.” I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything start to settle. “Thanks, Liz.”
Sitting back in my chair, I let myself, for the first time in three months, think that maybe it’s not over between us.
I just have to convince Iris.
I force myself through the door of the teacher’s lounge. Coffee first, then I’ll worry about having to teach PE at eight in thedamn morning. I make a beeline to the coffee pot, burning my mouth a bit when I take a sip.
“Ow!” I exclaim, earning a frown from one of the old English teachers Layla talks to in the halls.
In my haste, I almost miss Iris sitting in the corner.
She has her legs tucked under her and a notebook open at her side, staring at her cup with a downturned expression.
I consider leaving without saying anything.
I know I’m supposed to be trying to make things better, but seeing her face now, it’s gonna hurt something awful if she won’t give me a chance. But I remember what Liz said,you’re never gonna forgive yourself for letting her walk away.
“Tea do something to offend you this morning, Ms. Patel?”
She startles, looking up at me behind a pair of glasses. She’s been wearing ‘em since Savannah outed her, like she stopped caring what anybody thinks. And I know this isn’t right to say, considering our situation.
But there’s something about her in those damn glasses that drives me outta my mind.
