“I didn’t know,” I whispered, not sure how I was supposed to answer that.
“I know you didn’t. But that’s not what’s on your mind right now, is it?”
It wasn’t. But I didn’t move. Didn’t dare say a thing. He answered it anyway.
“Job for the club, second time. I took the fall. Kept my mouth shut.”
I breathed long and slow, trying to act normal, not like that new information would unsettle me. But I was rattled, and my hand shook as I reached for a coffee mug.
Chapter Eighteen
She tried so hard to hide the shock in those grey eyes. I watched them widen, just for a split second, and then steady. She was well practised. I assumed she’d seen some shit in A&E departments. But she couldn’t hide thatg, even if she’d thought she did a good job of it. Sophie turned away, trying to compose herself, but she couldn’t hide the little shake of her hand as she reached for a mug.
I stepped into the space. I should have stayed back, given her time to come to me. Time to process what I’d said and workout if she wanted nothing more to do with me. She paused when she felt me behind her and the arm I slid around her middle.
“This is who I am now, Soph,” I said, turning her back to me. “I’ve grown up. I’m not the boy I was.”
She bit her bottom lip to stop it quivering. She always did that when her emotions threatened her. I reached out, sliding a crooked finger under her chin, tipping her head up so I could see those grey eyes better. They were always so deep, so unfathomable. But they were also steady. Careful. Controlled. And they still were, despite the teeth that worried that lip.
“Yet you’re still the girl I knew.” My voice was a low whisper.
Her eyes darkened slightly, her eyebrows pulling together a fraction. That had bothered her. She released her lip.
“I’m not, though, Ry,” she paused, watching me watching her. “I have crippling anxiety. I can’t stay anywhere longer than a year. I can’t hold down a relationship, can barely hold down my life…”
“I’m sorry,” I interrupted her flow, too scared to hear more. To hear how imperfect she thought she was, even though I could see differently.
“What for?” she asked, not pulling her face from my grip.
“That you feel like that. For not being there for you.”
Silence. She stared at me, giving me nothing. No clue what to say next. So, I didn’t say anything. I dropped my finger from under her chin, skimming my fingertips over her jaw, around the back of her head, into her hair. A route I’d travelled many times before. But it had been so long, and I fought the urge to close my eyes to savour the feel of her skin, and the wisps of her hair, andcommit it all to memory in case I didn’t hear that little release of breath she did in response ever again.
“I’m sorry that you feel so lost.” My voice was low, gravelly even to my ears. I’d never been as good at controlling my emotions as she’d been.
Sophie closed her eyes, the grey disappearing, and she didn’t open them as she spoke, protecting her soul from me as the words slipped out on a breath.
“I always have been. Since you left me.”
Those words again. Hitting me like a sledgehammer to the chest.
“I didn’t leave you, Soph, I…”
“Yes, you did.” She’d opened her eyes again, so now I could see that lick of anger as well as feel it. “You did something that got you arrested. And left me. I never got over it. I never did.”
Her voice was so raw in that moment. And that sledgehammer that she’d smashed into my chest, now she wrenched it open with a crowbar. Slow and deliberate. Burning, searing pain as she pulled me apart.
“I’m here now, Soph,” I said softly.
“But you aren’t, Ry. You’re so different.”
“Prison does that to you, Grey.”
“But you didn’t have to be there. You could have cooperated with the police. Stayed away from the MC.”
“They were all I had. They still are all I have.”
“You had me, Ry. You didn’t need anyone else.”
