“I shouldn’t. With all the preparations for Lord Blackthorne’s arrival…”
“Just fifteen minutes, then I’ll come and help you.” Mary’s blue eyes flashed at Madeline. “Besides, you can’t leave now. You still look flushed.”
Madeline felt her cheeks turn an even deeper shade of pink. “Flushed?”
“Yes, from walking in on Jacob and me. I apologize. We didn’t know anyone was upstairs.”
“I should have knocked.”
“No, the door was open. We should have been more discreet, but sometimes, I just can’t help myself. I can’t help telling Jacob how much I love him.”
With a twinge of sadness that seeped into her bones and ached like an old wound on a damp day, Madeline stared absently at the chess pieces. Ever since her conversation with Adam out on the road, she’d felt flustered and disconcerted in the most bothersome way, and she hated that she did not know what was going on and how he felt about her.
When she’d tried to leave and he had taken her arm and pulled her toward him, she could have sworn she’d seen passion in his eyes, that he’d wanted to kiss her. But that couldn’t have been true. It must have been wishful thinking on her part. No man had ever felt passionate about her.
Nevertheless, her heart had leaped into her throat and it had taken every ounce of self-control she possessed to keep from kissing him first. How she had wanted to.
Then he asked about Diana, and Madeline had been knocked backward and off her feet, back into her secluded, solitary place.
Now, to walk in on two young lovers who seemed to know so much more than she did about love and life, she suddenly longed for some new understanding. She wanted to feel she was knowledgeable and capable, that she could handle and understand her emotions when it came to Adam.
“You spill out your hearts to each other,” she said to Mary. “You hold nothing back. I’ve never seen anything like that before.”
Mary’s voice brimmed with sincerity and an odd hint of commiseration. “What other way is there to love someone? There’s no need to keep it inside. Jacob likes it when I tell him I adore him, and I like it when he tells me. Love is as much about what you say and do and what you show, as it is about what you feel inside, because the one you love can’t read your mind. Besides, it feels wonderful to tell him. I can’t stop myself. I know it sounds trite, an exaggeration, but my heart swells every time I say it.” She moved her first pawn.
While Madeline considered her own first move in the game, she found herself wondering what it must be like to feel so free to give and receive love.
She supposed she’d never had any example of it before. She’d never had a mother and a father who would express things like that to each other, nor did anyone express such things to her. She could not imagine telling someone she loved them. Was it something a person got used to? Like jumping into the cold ocean? Shocking at first, then it almost began to feel warm?
How did Mary become so secure in her belief that Jacob would not break her heart in return? Madeline could see for herself that Jacob shared Mary’s feelings, but when did Mary come to know that? Who took the chance and declared their love first?
Maybe they just knew how the other person felt.
Would Madeline everjust know?
She knew John Metcalf was interested in her, but he was not passionate, the way Jacob and Mary were. At least she didn’t think so. Maybe that came later.
With Adam, on the other hand, she knew how he felt, because he continued to make his feelings about Diana known. As Mary said, love was about what you said and did and showed, not just about what you felt, and Adam had already told Madeline that after all these years, he still loved Diana, and he’d asked questions about her today.
Madeline found herself wondering what Adam would do if he knew how Madeline herself felt. If she came right out and told him.
Then, while she waited for Mary to make a move in the game, Madeline began to fantasize. She imagined that if she did tell Adam that she adored and wanted him, he would take her into his arms and tell her he felt the same way, and together they would somehow find a way to resolve the situation with Diana. Adam could retract the proposal, and if the proxy marriage had already been finalized, well…marriages could be annulled, couldn’t they? Yes, Diana would be angry, but she would recover from it, the way everyone recovered from pain in their lives. No one was safe from it.
Madeline rested her cheek on her hand and tried to imagine Diana receiving the news that Adam was jilting her.For her younger sister.
Diana would be shocked out of her petticoats to be sure, Madeline thought mischievously. Diana would probably break something. A piece of china. A mirror. Madeline could almost hear her sister screaming like an old witch for someone to come and clean up the shattered glass at her feet…..
Lord, what a child Madeline was. Still.
She had to give up these foolish dreams, for she was coming dangerously close to making a fool of herself and spoiling any chances of continuing a relationship with this family, whom she was growing to love, after Diana came.
It was her turn in the chess game, but as she gazed down at the board, she could see no logical way to move her pieces.
“Mosquito,” Penelope said with very precise diction. “M-o-s-q-u-i-t-o.Mosquito.”
Everyone clapped. She sat down beside Charlie on the chintz sofa.
Charlie rose to stand in front of the fireplace like a soldier, his arms planted firmly at his sides.
