“I’ll say this,” Mason begins through his chuckles. “She don’t back down from a dare. Taylor hasn’t lied but maybe a handful of times in her life, so asking her a truth is real boring. We dared her a lot and she’d do it every time. Dare her to steal something from Theia’s office? Done. Dare her to jump out of a helicopter into water? Done. She didn’t wanna do hijinks, Hunter was into that, but man, Lil’ T would do any dare. That was always fun.”
Most of my childhood memories are colored by my desire for Hunter’s approval, but they are some of my fonder ones. “Hunter once dared me to jump down a waterfall. Once I confirmed the plunge pool would not kill me, I did it.”
Cassie gasps. “Oh my God, was it cool?”
“The water was freezing, yes.”
“No, silly, was it fun?”
“It hurt. And, well, I would never admit this to Hunter, but…yes. It was fun.”
As if she’s privy to some big secret, Cassie grins and settles, self-satisfied, into her seat. It’s strange to have a friend. I am not an easy friend to have. I’m hard to get to know. And, as I’ve learned over twenty years of being off-putting, I’m terrifically bad at understanding emotion. As a child I excelled at academics and calisthenics but was socially inept. Too honest, too reserved, too tactless. Hunter did her best to socialize me, but it’s likeeveryone is speaking a language adjacent to mine. I catch cognates and phrases, but ultimately I am not as fluent as I should be.
Despite this, a few have entrusted me with their friendship. Faith, in Delilah’s library years ago, struggling to get through a rudimentary book on butterflies. Faith understood me in a way others didn’t. She explained herself fully, never speaking in half-truths and passive-aggressions. Faith was open and honest about her emotions, never making me guess her intentions. In turn, I practiced being more intuitive. Thinking about how my words may affect her, lest I hurt her feelings. We were a good match.
Here, with Cassie, I see the same plainness of spirit. Someone who sees my faults and quirks and does not try to fix me, but rather works to understand me. I’m better at friendship for knowing Faith as long as I did, and the crash course with Lucy over our months together. Sometimes, though, I pretend to be obtuse so people will leave me alone.
We passthrough southern cities and the light pollution dilutes the brilliance of the night sky. I don’t sleep, but instead wait for nightfall in the rural farmlands so the heavens can open up fully. Stars pour out and spill across the sky. A finger pressed against the plexiglass, I trace the familiar constellations. Stargazing was an easy hobby for us as children; it cost nothing and had practical uses. The three of us would climb on the roof of the cafeteria longhouse, because Hunter made us do dangerous stuff for no reason, and we’d lie back to watch the stars. Hunter explained to Mason and me the myths behind the constellations, and how to use them during different seasons to orient yourself.Mason fell asleep a lot, but she had a rapt audience in me. I hung on her every word as if it were divine scripture.
The trip takes less than a full day, and by daybreak the next morning, we are close to our destination. Perhaps a dozen or so miles away. That drop-off point, according to our brief, is another ten miles from the first point of skirmishes between rebels and UR troops. They are camped there, awaiting my arrival and leadership. From the intelligence Theia provided, the rebels are guerrilla-fighting weak spots in the UR’s holdings. Towns and cities not yet totally fortified are snuck inside in darkness and bombed or set ablaze. It’s an echo of our methods back when the Order was getting on its feet. Small takeovers, but tactically efficient ones. With the exception being, of course, that we never intentionally hurt civilians.
“We’re pretty close,” Cassie informs. I reach over and shake Mason awake as Cassie turns to me. “Are you ready?”
“Are you?” I wave the plans at her. “This border dispute is a suicide mission.”
Cassie shrugs. “Worse ways to go than fighting beside your hero. Besides, I don’t think you’re going to let us die. That’s not who you are.”
“The probability of success is very low.”
“Since when has that stopped you?” Cassie gives me a knowing look, and I smirk and tuck the paperwork into my bag. “I don’t understand why you still care. After what happened with Theia and Lucy, I don’t know why you’d agree to this.”
“A choice was not given. It was asked of me, so I will do it.”
Cassie shakes her head. “Can I be frank?”
“Who else would you be?” I ask, and she laughs and rolls her eyes. “But yes, of course.”
“I never could’ve withstood what you did. I’m pretty sure if I went through that, I’d have killed myself the moment an opportunity presented itself.”
“Never discount the enormity of your strength,” I reply. “We cannot possibly know what we can withstand until we come through the other side of it.”
Cassie frowns. “But what’s on the other side of that heartache?”
“I do not know. I am still withstanding it.”
In the darkest times of my captivity, when I considered ways to end my life, Lucy would appear, bright like the morning sun. I had no choice but to continue living so I could see her in my mind’s eye. I remember when she spoke about her mother, about how her memory lived only within she and Leader Piccolo. Without them, Katherine Piccolo is truly gone. But while I live, Lucy lives. So, I must live. If this world is capable of creating someone as extraordinary as she was, it is perhaps capable of other magic I’ve yet to experience.
Cassie excuses herself to talk to the conductor as we near our drop-off. Mason watches Cassie leave before turning his attention to me. “We can’t let this dumbass mission kill her. She’s just a kid.”
“We won’t,” I tell him. Not much in my life to be confident about these days, but I know I can protect Private Frank. At least while I’m still alive.
“Better not,hero.” In an instant, my throat constricts and heat builds behind my eyes. The way Lucy’s mouth moved when she called me that—from a sneer to an endearment—is burned in my mind.
Mason’s head tilts at the change in my demeanor, but we both smell it before it happens. Recognition flashes in his eyes. Nitroglycerin. I can’t even look up before the train rocks with an explosion and careens off the tracks. I’m knocked clear into another row of seats and my back smashes against the window. No time to worry about that, as another explosion blows the door off the train car. It gets hot quickly. Smoke fills the carfaster than floodwaters. My ears pick up a whooshing noise, like being underwater.
Disoriented, I try to stand. The explosion has shaken my senses out, but not my fear. It cripples me as my hands vise the seat, eyes screwed shut as the memories consume me.
Mason shakes my shoulders. “Taylor! Let’s go!” I open my eyes. Mason is bleeding from his head but looks otherwise unharmed. He’s got our bags around his shoulder and shoves a rifle at me. “We gotta find Cassie.”
