Darcy felt herself grin, victoriously.
But Juliet wasn’t grinning; she was still very serious. “Because first things first, if you decide you do want to go public, well, that’s your prerogative. But if we’re still sleeping together at that point, we won’t be any longer.”
She took it in, digesting it, and… “Fair enough.”
Made total sense to her. Juliet was not a risk taker, and Darcy hadnoillusions that Juliet would risk anything to keep having sex with her. Even if Darcy didn’t necessarily know her well, she knew that just from working with her. She’d tried to step out of her comfort zone with music and when it hadn’t gone well, she’d pointedly taken three steps back.
Her agreement seemed to lighten some of Juliet’s intensity, but not all. “Second – if you engage in a real relationship with someone, we’re done.”
… all right, that seemed like something they’d already covered. Because, “I just told you I have no intentions of being in a relationship with a woman.”
“Not a relationship with awoman.” Juliet’s exasperation was loud and clear.
Darcy felt it right back, tossing her hands into the air. “Whywould I choose to be with a man? I’ve never had a relationship with a man in my life.”
Juliet reached up, pressing her fingertips hard into the ridge of her eyebrows like she was getting a headache. “Because, Darcy, your life is a million times more different, now. More complicated. Soon enough, you’re going to get a lot more questions about your personal life. Speculations. Demands for answers that, to your point, no one has the right to know, but they’ll want it anyway.”
“Well, I can’t stop people from speculating,” she pointed out. “Still doesn’t explain why you think I’d be in a real relationship with some guy.”
“I’ve been doing this for a long time. I’ve been a closeted lesbian in this industry for years.” Juliet stated, point-blank, staring at her as if she couldn’t understand if Darcy was being genuine with her or not. “You’d be surprised at what’s real and what’s not.”
Shewouldbe surprised, because she already was.
“And… you’ve hooked up with other lesbians in the industry who are in real relationships with men?” She asked, wrinkling her nose at the very idea.
Sure, she understood when women dated men before they fully figured out their sexuality; she hadn’t really thought about queerness as a possibility for herself for years. But…afterthey knew and accepted they were lesbians?
“Yes, and I’ve learned enough to know that’s a boundary for me,” Juliet confirmed, coolly, as she dropped her hands back to her sides.
Darcy reached up, gently running her fingertips over her chin as she took it in. Then froze when she was struck with the thought – “Okay, butyou’rewith Robbie.”
She’d literally seen them together tonight. Constantly side-by-side. Looking very believably cute together. She’d been unable to stop looking at them, actually, more frequently than she’d care to admit.
“I know you said Robbie would be on his knees for some guy…” She trailed off.
“Yes. Because Robbie’s gay; we don’t have arealrelationship,” Juliet emphasized. “If you decide to go ahead with an arrangement like I have with Robbie, that is certainly not a dealbreaker for us hooking up.”
Darcy’s eyebrows drew deeply down, as she sorted out the negative feelings working through her.
“Get off some moral high horse, Darcy. I can see it on your face,” Juliet’s voice was icy. “You’re in the same position as the rest of uscloseted liars.”
“I’m not on a moral high horse. But I’m not a closetedliar.” The word felt like acid in her throat, offense sharply digging at her. “I’m not saying you and Robbie are liars, either. I mean, clearly you two have a… thing that works for you.”
“Then, what’s with the look on your face?” Juliet asked, her defensive edges fading slightly.
Darcy inhaled deeply, holding it in her lungs for several beats. “I just really hate how fake it all is.” Yeah, that was precisely what it was. “I’m not saying you’re doing anything wrong with Robbie, and I’m not judgingpeople. Individuals.” She searched for the right words. “I guess it’s the system I’m judging? I don’t know. I told you that night you came to my hotel room: I’d rather you be an asshole to me than be fake to me. I really hate the idea of meeting people and wondering if what they’re telling me is true or not. I hate the idea of thinking I might be getting to know someone and it turns out they’re one of the people who, like you said, would stab me in the back.”
Darcy wasn’t some sort of back-country moron; people lied and manipulated and kept secrets everywhere.
But, especially while having this conversation, it felt like the new world she was in was essentially like normal-level plasticity on extreme steroids.
“I mean, if you’ve hooked up with people, and Robbie has hooked up with people, and there’s clearly a network of queer people around… how is it all so secret?”
At that point, wouldn’t things be getting around?
Juliet’s eyes narrowed again, as she worked her jaw back and forth and stared at Darcy. Like she really couldn’t make up her mind about something.
“The secrecy goes hand-in-hand with the ‘fakeness,’” Juliet used air quotes when she finally responded. She didn’t seem exasperated by Darcy, at least. “Look, if you do ever go to the parties you get invited to, you’ll see that there are many people who are exactly who you think they are. You can meet people that you might like, that you might be able to really trust. However, you will also see…alot. People whose entire brand is ‘traditional family values’ going up to some stranger’s bedroom to take part in an orgy. ‘Happily’ married middle-aged actors snorting coke off some model’s stomach while she’s topless and lying on a kitchen counter. And a hell of a lot more. But – I cannot stress this enough – if what you see ever gets out and traced back to you, you’ll be black-listed faster than you will if you come out.”
