I take that information and tuck it deep inside my mind.
“Nothing with a man, either,” I fill in for him.
“True. You were my first. Probably my last.”
I flush, feeling my heartbeat in my ears. I want to reach out, but he turns his gaze and steps to the side slightly, almost as if he knows what I’m going to do.
“Why do you think you’ve never had a serious relationship?”
“Just haven’t found the right person.” He stares at me long and hard. “Thing is, I would like to have a family one day. Just need to meet someone worth keeping.”
I stare at him so hard my eyes water, but I say nothing. I want to scream that I can do that, that he can keep me, but I can’t promise it. I really can’t. And I’m sure he doesn’t trust that I’d stay. Not when I’ve run off multiple times already.
“I’d like a family too,” I finally admit, my voice cracking slightly. “I told you this already, but I never had one. Not really. I mean, I had a mom and dad, but they were gone far too soon. And the little time I had, I just saw them fight with each other. They were both very unhappy.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“Me too. It’s really fucked me up, I think. I mean, I know it has. I’m sure it’s obvious by the way I treated you. When I was younger, I went to therapy for a bit to process it. I had a lot of anxiety—still do. The psychologist back then told me it was okay to have protections and backup plans to help with my anxiety. And so I collected them.”
Glenn watches me and then murmurs, “The stone you used on me?”
“The stone. Yes. And the pendant.”
He’s quiet, and I can see that he’s thinking about something. I wait for the reveal anxiously. “Did you want to leave me there in the dirt, alone?”
He chokes those words out, almost like he hates saying them. I know how much that bothered him, how much it hurt.
“I didn’t. I was just so afraid. Of the Howlers, yes. But also of you. Of myself. Of what this is between us.”
He sighs. “I get it.”
“Thank you.”
“But it hurt. Waking up without you there, knowing you left again. I wanted you the first time I scented you, and you left.And then when I opened up and let you in again, when I was vulnerable, you did it again.”
My eyes sting, and my nose feels stuffy suddenly. Swallowing, I nod. “I’m so fucking sorry, Glenn. I mean it.”
“I know.”
I nod, turning my gaze back out to the skyline, and run my finger along the windowpane.
“Honestly, I really like you, Glenn. I’m sorry I used that stone on you. I’ve just nevernotused it before. It was a habit, a compulsion when things get to be too much, and I feel trapped.”
“You don’t need to use it on me. If you want to leave, I’ll let you go.”
“Really?”
“Always.”
“Thank you, that’s—” I wipe at my face, feeling wetness on my cheeks. “That’s good to hear.”
Glenn reaches out, and his fingers link with mine. We’re standing apart, but I hold on to him desperately.
“So, I’m assuming you don’t need to be knotted during your heats. It won’t kill you to not take it?”
“Right, I can get by with a serum and a dildo, but it’s so nice to be with someone during it. It’s less painful, more calming.”
Glenn rolls his lips between his teeth. “Got it.”
