I know he’s back on campus because Aunt Del has been leaving me messages updating me on everything. I haven’t had the heart to answer any of them, but I did listen to each message, drawing strength from each word.
I will call her back.
I’ll beg her to forgive me.
Until then, I need to find Caleb and ask him to take me back.
Plead with him to forgive me.
If he even looks my way, I’ll know that I have a chance. His face always tells me exactly what I need to know. That maybe he could fall in love with me once more.
I grab a sweater and run a hand through my hair.
I’m a jittery mess; my hands haven’t stilled since I left New York.
I pull out my phone and scroll through the text messages. There’s one from Bev, letting me know the club is hosting a New Year’s get-together. Sounds like an awful time, but knowing Caleb, he’ll be there. He’s nothing if not social.
God, please let him be there.
Making my way from the apartment, I decide to walk to campus. It takes longer than I expect, and I worry I’ve missed out on the meetup entirely, but when I finally arrive, I pull the door open to the gymnasium and freeze when I catch sight of him.
My breath leaves my lungs in a rush. He’s more beautiful than I remember.
Then my eyes flicker and blink when I realize Magnus is in his arms, his legs wrapped around his waist, Caleb’s head thrown back in a laugh.
My heart twists in my chest, and I rub at the pain splintering across my sternum.
Magnus slides down Caleb’s body, the two of them smiling at each other, and I try to tell myself that he’s better off without me. That I should let him be happy without me.
I should let him be loved by someone less broken than me.
Someone with more to offer. Because what do I have now?
I have nothing.
Caleb shouts something to Magnus and then turns his head to look around, and I feel the moment his gaze lands on mine.
His mouth parts slightly, his cheeks reddening, his eyes widening.
My lungs constrict, and I tell myself to go to him, but for some reason, I can’t make myself.
I’ve been so selfish in all of this. I should let him go entirely.
He should live a life uncomplicated by my baggage.
I should let him be happy with someone else.
Turning before I can change my mind, I rush from the building.
I want to stay. Want to fight, but I don’t know if I can. Not after coming out of the battle of a lifetime. I’m exhausted, worn down.
I’m doing this for him.
It’s been too long, all of it took too fucking long.
“Whit!” a voice calls out. I know that voice. Oh god. What if he’s stopping me to tell me it’s over once more? I don’t know if I can handle that. I move faster.
“Whit!”
