“So much so that you’d marry awomanto get it?”
I nod and swipe at the wetness on my cheeks. It does nothing to help.
“Give it up then! Give it up, Whit. Your happiness is more important than money.”
I inhale shakily and then croak, “I was fine with it. Fine with it until I met you. Why did I have to meet you?”
He softens a moment, but then finds his resolve once more.
“So, let me get this right. You’re marrying awomanto get the money from your trust. Is marrying her one of the other stipulations on top of becoming a lawyer?”
I nod, my eyes moving to the floor.
“So, I’m guessing your parents don’t like that you’re gay.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. It was so easy for you to come out, to be with me, but that was not my experience. They hated that my inclinations went in a different direction. It wasn’t acceptable to them, so they tried to beat it out of me. When that didn’t work, they starved me. When that didn’t work, they found a way to manipulate me into being the obedient son they always wanted.”
His hands fist at his sides, his nostrils flaring.
“So…you’d go the rest of your life repressed and married to someone you don’t love, for money?”
My chin hits my chest. “I suffered my entire life for it, Caleb. Bled for it. Starved for it. I don’t know how to give it up now.”
“Just because you suffered for it doesn’t mean you should hold on to it. It’s killing you!”
I hold out my arms toward him, and his gaze falls to the scars littering my skin.
“Don’t I, though? I survived all those times for what?”
He swallows roughly and meets my stare, desperation lining those blue depths.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Because I was selfish. Because I wanted this with you. Even if it was just for a short time.”
Now his tears slip from his eyes, his hands in his hair again. “But that wasn’t fair to me, Whit! I’m half in love with you now!”
My head whips up, and I’m breathless. “What?”
“You heard me, and you know it. Deep down. You always knew. I was open with you, and you used me. You knew you’d wreck me, and you did it anyway.”
“I know,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
“Why are you telling me this now? Why not wait until May when you end up getting married?”
“Because she’s coming to visit.”
He clutches the back of his neck, letting out a pained groan.
“Do you fuck her? Kiss her, huh?”
“Never,” I whisper. “I’ve never… We’re not in love. We don’t even know each other. Not really.”
“Then why do it? Don’t fucking do it, Whit! Choose me!”
I feel something shatter inside me. He makes it seem so simple.
But is it?
