I’ve never cared about losing something like I do about losing him.
I knew this could happen, and I invited him to live with me anyway.
Invited him into my life.
And now I have to close the door on him, shutting him out. The thought of it has my chest constricting painfully.
“Hey, pull over, babe. Let me drive,” Caleb says, worry lining his voice.
I shake my head, my mind whirling. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I just need to think.Let me think.”
By the time we arrive at the apartment, my entire body is shaking.
I toss the suitcases inside, Caleb standing there, confused.
But I have to fix this. I have to. For us. I can’t lose him. Not now.
I can’t live like this anymore.
“Babe, tell me…”
“I have to go out. I’ll be back,” I bite out, not looking at him. I can’t look at him, or I’ll stay.
And if I stay, I’ll lose him.
“Why? Where you going?”
I feel wild, unhinged.
“I’ll be back.”
Then I rush from the apartment, a sob leaving my throat as I slip into my car. A gift from my father, a chain to him, to the life he wants me to live.
I want to crash it and leave it to burn, but I don’t. Instead, I peel out of the parking lot, swerving into traffic, but I don’t care about how reckless I’m being. I just need to fix this. That’s my only concern.
My trembling fingers pull out my phone, and I stab at my mom’s number. It rings, but she doesn’t pick up. She’s probably drunk, sleeping in her own vomit. She won’t help me anyway.
She will always support my father. No matter what. She never loved me. She never cared about my happiness.
I scream loudly, spittle flying, tears streaming down my face. I narrowly avoid running into the median, so I pull over, my heart racing.
I swipe at my eyes and flick to Emily’s name and press it. She answers quickly, her voice soft.
“We need to call it off,” I choke out, not even saying hello.
She’s quiet for a moment. “You know I can’t do that. I have too much riding on this.”
“I do, too, but fuck, we don’t even really like each other!”
She sighs. “It doesn’t matter. People like us are destined to be miserable. It’ll ruin your life even more if we don’t go through with it. You know this.”
“Emily,” I groan, my head hitting the steering wheel. “If you call it off, I can be free.”
She laughs bitterly at that. “Who gave you that hope, Whit? Money or not, we’ll never be free. I’ll see you next week.”
And then she hangs up, leaving me to moan as bile rises in my throat.
I swallow it back and then call the only other person who knows about this. An accident, but a fortunate one at this moment.
