I nodded.
“Okay, so I know you live next door with JJ and Bruce who are super protective over you, way more protective than just friends. But they’re also not your dads, so I’m guessing there’s an interesting story there. I also know you work at a restaurant at night and on weekends to supplement your income, because you need money for something. You never talk about your family, so my guess is that there’s another story there too, not a particularly good one either, I’m guessing.”
“Well, that was straight to the point.” I pulled my legs off his shoulders and brought them up to my chest, clutching them and getting into a sitting position. Suddenly I felt more naked than I really was.
“Sera . . .” He sat up and moved towards me, wrapping his arms around my knees and placing his chin on them. Then he looked up at me. “There’s nothing you could tell me that would make me think, or feel, anything less for you.”
I knew this conversation was inevitable, but I still didn’t feel ready for it, even though I knew that Ben had shared everything with me.
“Your life can’t be more fucked up than mine,” he said and smiled at me as if it was meant to reassure me—I wasn’t reassured.
“I . . . I . . .” I tried to start, but the words seemed to get caught in my throat.
Ben sat up further and moved even closer. “Okay. I have a confession, I already think I know what some of it is.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well, I Googled you and an article about your father came up . . .” His voice tapered off. It sounded like a question rather than a statement. I knew immediately which article he was referring to. The delightful one about my fraudster father being arrested for ripping off his company—my family’s proud heritage—leading to our very public eviction that gave the entire neighborhood something to watch that Sunday—I’d half expected people to grab lawn chairs and make popcorn. My shouting, crying mother, my drunken father, my terrified sister watching her room being packed away—and me, trying to calm everyone down and be the sixteen-year-old adult that I should never have had to be—should I tell him all that?
Should I tell him about life in the trailer park? My dad’s gambling and the prostitutes, and all the money he owed and all the jail sentences he’d served for petty theft. Tell him about my mother’s complete pathetic devotion, depression, anxiety, co- and pill dependence? Is that what I was meant to tell him? Was I meant to tell him that my sole purpose in life was to give my sister a better future, a responsibility I would have for years to come?
I was lost in thought and barely noticed that Ben had been watching me.
He moved closer. “Why are you so afraid of telling me?” he asked. He was so close to me now that it left me nowhere to go unless I could miraculously melt my way into the water. “Can I tell you what I think?” Ben said. Then he jumped out of the bath with a splash and, before I could react, I felt him get in behind me. He slid me forward a little and then pulled my body back so I was leaning against his chest. Then he wrapped his arms around me and I let my head fall all the way back against him—it felt good.
“I think that our pasts and our circumstances shape us and make us who we are. Especially the bad parts. Having Li taken away actually made me become a better father to her now that she’s back in my life. The bad parts are building blocks. And from where I’m standing, you’re just about the best person I’ve ever met, so whatever happened, I think you turned out pretty well. Perfect, really.”
I tilted my head up to look at him. His lips came down and grazed my forehead. “Whatever you tell me, Sera, won’t change the fact that I’m still totally in love with you.”
I laughed again. “No, you’re not.”
I felt two strong hands come up under my arms and then suddenly I was being turned around in the bath. We were face-to-face now, our naked bodies pressing into each other as the warm water lapped against our skin. And then he smiled at me.
“No, actually, I am. I’m in love with you, Sera.”
Suddenly I was dizzy. He’d said this so many times before, but until now, they had all sounded like they’d been said in jest. This time it didn’t sound like that.
“You’re being serious?” I could barely talk.
“Yes.” He leaned in and whispered against my mouth.
“I . . . I . . .” I stuttered, unsure of what I should say back to him. Besides the obvious three words that were appropriate in a situation like this and that were sitting on the tip of my tongue, wanting to come out. Even though I’d barely acknowledged them to myself yet.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it back to me. In fact, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to right now.”
“I don’t?”
“No. You’ll tell me all about your life tomorrow night while we lie in bed together naked after I’ve made love to you because you’ve finally confessed your undying love to me.”
I burst out laughing again. “God, you say the most ridiculous things sometimes.”
“They aren’t ridiculous if they’re true.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.
“By this time tomorrow night, you’re going to be totally in love with me, Sera.”
“And how do you know that?”
