“I want to show you what my dad got me for my birthday,” Li said, taking me by the hand and pulling me in the opposite direction. The last thing I wanted to do right now was look at Superdad’s gift. To be honest, I never wanted to be reminded of Ben again.
The next hour was up there with one of the worst of my life. Li was dragging me around, introducing me to her friends, showing me the ponies and making me get my face painted like a butterfly. Looking at her, I felt two things, pity and anger. Clearly he wasn’t father of the year after all.
I counted the painful seconds until I could politely excuse myself. I didn’t want to disappoint Li, but my skin was crawling, I felt physically nauseous and my brain was about to explode.
Was Ben really with that woman?Maybe they were separated and were trying to work it out? But Ben looked whipped; he was jumping at her commands like a performing monkey—sign of a guilty conscience?
Eventually I was able to leave. I said the requisite goodbyes to Li and her mother, who seemed to have warmed up to me slightly. I didn’t say goodbye to Ben. He hadn’t looked in my direction once the entire time I was there. In fact, he’d done everything possible to stay as far away as he could and I hadn’t even seen him for the past ten minutes or so.
When I was finally out of sight of the party, I ran. I ran as fast as my still shaky legs would carry me, but when I got into the street, I found Ben waiting for me.
He approached me quickly. “Sera. It’s not what it looks like. I can explain, I promise. I can explain.”
I didn’t make eye contact and physically pushed him out the way with all the force I could muster. “I don’t want to hear it. Just leave me alone.”
“But I can’t leave you alone.” His voice sounded desperate and he grabbed my arm. “It’s not what you think.”
I finally willed myself to look up at him. I was fuming. “Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t ever come near me again.” I pulled away forcefully. “And don’t you dare touch me again.”
“Wait.” He moved in front of me. “Please.”
“Ben . . .” I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. “You and I together is a disaster. Since we met, since that night, nothing good has come of us. We are so destructive and wrong for each other and all this is the universe telling me loudly and clearly that you are the last man on earth I should ever date, or even be near, for that matter.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“It doesn’t matter what you believe. I’m telling you how it is.” I shivered as a cold winter breeze went through me. “What happened at work isn’t your fault. I brought that upon myself because I should never have let things continue with you. But I did. And now everyone in the office knows what I did, and thinks I’m trying to sleep my way to the top and they also think I did it with Giovanni too. Do you know how mortifying that is? And how it undermines me and all the work I’ve done there since I arrived?”
“I’m sorry.” Ben shook his head.
“No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever met you and landed up in your car that night. But you’ve got some kind of strange power over me that keeps making me forget myself and act like a mad woman. But it’s over now. It has to be. All of it.”
He said nothing. Instead we just stood and stared at each other. “Bye, Ben.” It felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and stomped on by Mei’s ten-inch heel.
He dropped his head and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m really sorry. I fucked up, big time.”
“Save your apologies for someone who cares.” I turned and walked away from him. The second I got into JJ’s car I put my head down on the steering wheel. My whole body was shaking from the shock and adrenalin surging through me.
I closed my eyes and the tears just came, smearing the pink face paint everywhere.
45. Depressed, Homeless, Pavement Sitter
Ben came to the restaurant later that night. Needless to say, there was a commotion. I wasn’t entirely surprised though—since meeting him I had come to realize that he was about as persistent as a pit-bull on heat.
“Right of admission reserved, bitch,” were the words JJ used when stopping Ben at the door.
Waiters turned and looked. Patrons put their knives and forks down. One of the kitchen staff even stuck his head through the door and gawked. Bruce jumped up and pulled JJ away, who by this stage looked like he was going to bitch slap Ben to hell and back.
“Just stay away from Sera now,” Bruce said in a much more diplomatic tone. “There’s no need for a scene.”
“Oh yes there is,” JJ said, stepping forward and doing some finger snapping.
“Just let me explain, Sera. Please!” Ben screamed his plea across the restaurant.
“No!” I shouted back.
It was turning into a soap opera. Luckily the clientele at Big John’s were used to such histrionics—and were always interested. Heads turned from him to me, and everyone looked giddy with excitement, like they had a front-row ticket to the season finale ofThe Bachelor.
“Give me ten minutes,” Ben persisted, “and then after that, if you don’t want to talk to me again, it’s fine.” Heads swung around and looked at Ben, then back to me. They were hanging on every word.
