“But that’s not true.”
“Try telling that to Angie and Becks who just cornered me in the bathroom and accused me of being the office slut, which they will no doubt go and share with everyone in that building.”
“What?” Ben stepped closer to me. “Do you want me to talk to them?”
“NO! No. Please. You have done enough.” I started walking towards the entrance, but Ben was hot on my heels.
“How are you getting home?” he asked.
“I’ll hitch hike if I have to.”
“And land up on the news in a ditch tomorrow, I don’t think so. I’ll take you home.”
“Not a chance in hell.” I continued to walk all the way up to the security boom. I ducked under it and walked out onto the busy road.
“Please don’t. It’s not safe standing out on this road.”
I swung around and looked at him. “It’s safer out here than it is in there,” I said pointing at the building that had once felt like a happy sanctuary. A place where I could just be a normal person. Where no one knew my history and I could just be Sera. The playing fields were level and it was a place where, through hard work, I could make my way up because I was good at what I did. Now it was none of those things. And probably never would be.
“Please come back inside, or at least let me take you. If you don’t want to drive with me, let me get someone to give you a lift.”
I shook my head. “I’ll call JJ or Bruce, one of them will be able to fetch me.”
Ben stared at me as I pulled my phone out and called. JJ answered immediately.
“Hey. Please can you come and fetch me from work. It’s a No. 5,” I said. This was our secret code. No. 5 referred to Coco Channel who always wore red lipstick, which in our language, meant code red. We only ever used this under the most dire of circumstances, usually pertaining to my dad when I couldn’t speak about it over the phone.
I heard JJ jump. “I’ll be there in ten. Stay put.” And then he hung up. I looked over at Ben, “He’ll be here to fetch me soon.”
“Then I’ll wait with you.”
I shook my head and felt the tears well up in my eyes again. “You are just making this all so much worse by being here with me now. It’s only confirming everyone’s suspicions.” I glanced behind me back towards the building and there, as sure as day, a few faces were at the window looking out at us in curiosity. I turned away from them quickly feeling more ashamed than I had in years. “If you care about me, if you ever really, truly felt anything for me, you will leave me alone and stop making this worse.”
I looked up at him and a tear rolled down my cheek. “I do care about you, Sera. More than I’ve cared—”
I cut him off. “Yeah, yeah, you fucking love me!” I laughed at the absolute absurdity of the statement, I couldn’t believe I had almost fallen for that line. “You don’t even know me. You know nothing about me. You don’t love me, you have no capacity and space for that, I’m afraid you just love yourself too much.”
Ben looked at me with absolute sadness in his eyes. “I’ll come around later and we can talk about this.”
“No, you won’t,” I snapped. “You will forget I even exist and you will certainly forget I live next door.”
I turned my back on him and to my relief, heard his footsteps moving away from me. He was finally gone, and I was finally alone.
When I got home and had spent sufficient time ranting and raving with JJ and Bruce, I poured myself a cup of coffee, adding a few tots of liquor to it—because it was that kind of fucking day—and headed outside to my thinking tree. I had a lot to think about. It seemed that in one day, my worst nightmare had become a horrendous reality. I felt broken, as if I’d been surgically cut up and pieced together incorrectly. Everything felt wrong and out of place.
It was early evening already and when I got there, I found a note on the bench with a flower laid across it. My heart raced.Had Ben also discovered the one spot in the world where I could be away from him?Fortunately, I noticed the name “Snow White” written across the envelope. With a big sigh of relief that my hiding place was safe, I quickly tore open the envelope and pulled out the cutest little invitation:
Hear ye! Hear ye! Our fairest princess, Li Hau, hereby cordially invites all the noble ladies and gentlemen of the land to join in celebration of her birthday.
The handwriting looked adult, so I assumed she must have actually followed through and gotten her parents’ permission. At the bottom she had written,Pleez!
How can you say no to that? Sure, it would probably be a bit awkward going without having met her parents first, and considering that I was eighteen years older than her, but why not? One, it would get my mind off Ben. Two, it would get me out of the house so he couldn’t come knocking or tapping, and three, it would give me a chance to finally catch a glimpse of Superdad, which I know JJ would be desperate to do.
The next morning I went past a dress-up shop and bought a sparkly pink wand that I knew she would love and wrote in the card . . .
So all your magical dreams come true.
My wish for this little princess, more than anything else, was that she could keep on believing in magic for as long as possible. If only magic wands really worked and you could just wish away all the bad. We could all use a bit more magic in our lives.
