And then I heard it, as clear as day . . .
“Ben.” A woman’s voice called from inside his flat. My heart started thumping in my chest and suddenly there was a loud buzzing sound in my ears.
“Uh . . . is that, a . . .?” I tried to talk, but my mouth was so dry that the words weren’t coming out.
Suddenly, Ben lowered his head and his shoulders slumped forward. “You should really go now, Sera.”
His words hit me like bullets and I took a shaky, unstable step backward.
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching out towards me as if he was trying to apologize—apologize for what exactly?I’m sorry I fucked you, told you I loved you then flirted with you relentlessly, lead you on and kissed you and pursued you, almost beat a guy up for you and now had been caught with someone else.I didn’t think there was a Hallmark card for that.
I stepped back again, and held up my hands, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were about to come. “No need. It’s okay. I totally understand.”
He nodded at me and gave a kind of half-hearted smile that looked like it took absolutely no effort whatsoever. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to take from that.
“Come back later,” he said—seriously?Now he wanted me to come back later after he’d sexed-up-a-storm with six-o’clock girl. Maybe I was eleven-o’clock girl. Perhaps there was a girl for every hour of the day and damn week.
“Maybe not,” I said, walking away, feeling more hurt and angry than I knew I should have been feeling. I also felt like a complete idiot for thinking that all the flirting might have meant that he actually wanted me, or wantedonlyme. But now I knew. I couldn’t blame him really. It was pretty obvious what kind of guy he was right from the start, from the very moment we met. Ben was a hot, dangerous man-whore who kept emergency condoms in his travel bag and said all the right things to women. It was who he was. I couldn’t be angry with him for that—could I?And it’s not like he’d kept it from me, I knew what kind of man he was the second he’d put his hands up my skirt on that dance floor and then fucked me in his car.
But that didn’t stop me from being furious with myself for having let my guard down with him. I hated myself for it. He was dangerous. A mere warning may not be sufficient in his case; perhaps a worldwide broadcast announcement might be enough. The kind of urgent announcement that interrupts your usual viewing. The kind they might do if the planet was suddenly under attack by an alien species.
And what made him so dangerous . . . waseverything!
I hated him. And I hated the fact that I would have to see him every day at work too. I was dreading Monday morning, and when it finally came around I had a pit in my stomach.
40. Remain Vertical At All Times . . .
When I got down to my car that morning I found him leaning against it.Crap, I forgot about the leaning. I was going to have to tell him that, in my presence, he should remain vertical at all times.
“You didn’t answer your phone last night,” he said, still leaning. I wanted to kick his feet out from under him and see him tumble to the dirty floor in that expensive-looking, stupid suit—I hated his suits now. I hated those tattoos and those chocolaty eyes, chocolate is bad for you after all.
“Well, I was busy,” I said, trying to squeeze past him. But he was blocking my path to the door.
“Listen, about last night—”
I put my hand up. “I don’t want to hear. It’s okay, no need to explain. Really it’s fine.”
“Thing is,” he continued, still blocking my way, “I think you might have misinterpreted things somewhat.”
I edged away from him and walked around the front of my car, but he went around the back and beat me to the door.
I sighed. “I don’t think there was any misinterpreting that, Ben. You had another woman in your flat, and you were trying desperately to keep us from seeing each other. Correct?” I asked.
“I did have another woman in there.” He paused and suddenly looked guilty as hell. “But it’s not what you think . . . It’s just . . . Just.” He stopped talking and I stood there waiting for more. It didn’t come.
“Just who?” I asked. “Who? Who?”
He shook his head, but didn’t answer me.
“Great! I’m glad we clarified that. I need to get to work.” I started walking away.
“Please believe me. It wasn’t like that. I know it doesn’t make sense right now, but trust me.”
“Trust you?” I scoffed. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard a man say ’trust me’? And the thing is, the thing I’ve learnt over the years but somehow forgot with you, or chose to ignore, was that when they do act nice, and they do say ‘trust me’, that is the time you should do the complete opposite.”
Ben gave me a strange look, as if he was trying to imagine who all these men in my life were that had asked me to trust them. And because I didn’t want him to ask, I tried to pull myself together.
“Look,” I said calming down. “It’s not just that, I did a lot of thinking last night and I came back to my original conclusion. I don’t date. Ever. And I don’t want to be in a relationship of any kind, with anyone. I can’t, and I have my reasons for that. And I also cannot do anything to jeopardize my job. You have no idea how much I need it. And sleeping with the boss is not exactly a good career move. So please, can we just forget everything that happened and keep it totally professional? Please . . .” I actually teared up at that.
