Ben: I hope it’s something terribly juicy. I’m dying of boredom here.
Sera: Me too! I’d give anything for some action right now.
Raymond returned to his seat, and without another word, put a box down on the table. Everyone leaned in to read it, including myself. I recognized the box immediately, of course. It was mine.
“Someone,” he boomed dramatically, “Someone has been usinghandwashing laundry detergent powder in the automatic washing machines.”
There was a strange pause in the room, as if people were trying to decide whether this was even a problem. There were a few, however, who were shaking their heads, as if they knew what an issue this was, and how appalled they all were by the discovery.
Oh for heaven’s sake. What difference did it make anyway? It’s not like my hand washing powder was damaging the machines!
“And for those of you who are wondering why this is such an issue, let me explain.” He picked the box up. “Hand washing detergent produces a lot of suds, which in an automatic washing machine prevents your clothes from getting properly clean. So, if you’re using this in our washing machine, you are depriving us all of ever having truly clean clothes.”
I tried not to roll my eyes at the absolute absurdity of all this. I looked around and could see that his words were having an effect on a few people, who were now looking down at their clothes.
“So, if the user of this illegal powder is in the room, or if there is anyone in this room has any information on the matter, I urge you to come forward.”
And then something truly bizarre happened. Ben put his hand up and cleared his throat.
“Hi, I’m Ben White, I’ve just moved in and I think I might have some useful information about the perpetrator of this crime.”
“Mr. White. Firstly, welcome on behalf of everyone here, and please go ahead and share the information.”
“Thank you,” Ben said, nodding in a grave, serious manner.What the hell was he up to?
“This morning I was in the parking lot when I walked past the laundry room.” He paused and looked somewhat pained. As if he was about to share something that he really didn’t want to. “I hate to say it, but—” he looked up at me and I sat up straight.
No, he wasn’t! Surely not?
“I saw who was using the washing powder. And that person is sitting in this very room,” he raised his arm and then pointed straight at me. “Her.”He said it so loudly that I was sure it was going to echo off the walls.
“What?” I sat up in my seat, utterly shocked that Ben had just ousted me. Everyone turned and looked at me. “I . . . I . . .” I stuttered uncomfortably and then looked over at Ben, I could see he was trying to hide a smile.The bastard!
“Sera, is this true?” Raymond turned and asked me.
“Yes, Sera, is this true?” Ben asked too.
“I . . . I . . . I mean, yes. No. I mean, I didn’t know there was a difference between hand washing powder and automatic powder.”
Ben gasped loudly and his hand came up to his chest, clutching it as if in shock. “You didn’t know the difference?” He repeated the words slowly and deliberately. I could see others were starting to buy into this act, and a few were eyeing me with growing disapproval.
“It all makes sense now! No wonder my shirts haven’t been gleaming with that pristine clean sheen lately,” Ben said.
“Huh?” I looked at him, he was running his hands over his shirt now, as if he was searching it for imperfections. I shook my head. “This is ridiculous. Clothes don’t gleam.”
“But it says so on the box.” Ben suddenly grabbed the box and held it up, reading the words that were printed across it in bright orange. “Sun & Surf Detergent; For clothes that gleam with a pristine clean sheen.”
“Oh please!” I laughed and then looked at everyone in the room.
“If it’s on the box, it must be true,” Ben quickly said.
“Oh really?” I countered, “Because no one in advertising ever lies?”
“Absolutely not.” Ben pointed back to the box, “And look here,” he read the words off the other side of it, “As seen on TV.” He paused, scanning the crowd, looking deeply into their eyes, and then he spoke again. “And we all know that if it’s on TV, it must be true.”
A few heads in the room nodded, but a few were now looking confused.
“By using this detergent, Sera, you are depriving us of our right to clothes that gleam with a pristine clean sheen.” He smacked the box back down on the table and folded his arms.
