It was true, JJ was a full-blown “daddy’s girl.” His father was the one who’d encouraged him to come leaping out of the closet. Apparently he’d known his son was gay since the age of twelve. His father, at the age of sixty-seven, had even come to Gay Pride last year wearing a shirt that said, “Gay sons are fun!” It had garnered so much attention that a photographer had taken a photo of them that ended up in theGay Times. The article was framed and hanging on the wall. Bruce’s deeply religious dad had not been so accepting though, and they barely spoke.Parents! They really have the power to shape you. Make you, or break you.
21. LOVE TO HATE IT . . .
I was grateful my day had started with Li-Hau and the guys because it was the crappiest Saturday I’d had in a while. My mother was not to be reasoned with, at all. Dad had promised not to gamble again and—surprise fucking surprise—she was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
Fortunately I got to spend some time with my sister.
Katie had one year left at school before she went off to University—Medical School being the goal. After shopping for her books, we stopped to grab a cup of coffee.
“So, I printed out the bursary forms for Med school,” she said, sliding them across the table. “I want to apply as soon as possible. They only award fifty scholarships a year. Competition is tough.”
I read over the papers knowing that if anyone was going to get her through Med School, that responsibility lay solely on my shoulders. The papers indicated that they didn’t pay the full amount. They contributed one third of the fee, meaning you had to fork out the other third. Not to mention all the additional costs too. I felt a stab of panic in my chest, but tried hard not to show it. Katie already felt awful enough about taking money from me.
“Obviously I’ll get a job too,” she offered.
“No. You must focus on your studies. Med school will be too hectic for you to work on the side. Don’t worry, I’ll figure something out.”
I had no idea how the hell that was going to happen. To rustle up that kind of money was going to be hard—near impossible. There was only so much work I could do at the restaurant. When the reality of this set in, it made me realize just how dangerous something like dating the boss could be.What was the thing they always say about work relationships?
I just wasn’t sure I could take that risk, now that I realized just how insane my responsibilities were going to become moving forward. The only way I would be able to pay for my sister is if I was offered a permanent job at the agency and my salary increased and I worked full time at the restaurant. I had been hoping to move out of JJ and Bruce’s at some stage. I couldn’t live there forever.
But Ben was going to be the one deciding who got the job, and the idea of being promoted by him . . .well, something about that felt strange. And if Becks found out we’d been together, or worse, were dating, I’m sure she’d have grounds for some kind of sexual discrimination in the workplace case. Not to mention the fact that if everyone found out about us, they’d forever be looking at me wondering why I got the job. Was it because I deserved it, or was it because I’d slept with the boss? Maybe Ben wouldn’t hire me at all, for fear that it would look bad if anyone found out?Shit!
I took a deep breath. The anxiety crushing down on my chest right now was so intense and I felt like I was about to crumble under it. “Let me take these papers home and read over them, okay?” I took the forms and slipped them into my bag, and it felt instantly heavier.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to get a job?” Katie asked.
“Katie, listen, the best thing you can do is get the best marks possible, that’s what’s going to get you this bursary. Just focus on your studies and let me take care of the rest.”
My sister hugged me. It was little things like this that kept me going.
The financial forms weighed heavily in my bag and on my mind, along with the constant conflicting thoughts about Ben, as I ran around the restaurant feeling more exhausted than I’d felt in a while. I also noticed the extra hundred bucks that “someone” had slipped into my wallet that morning. Under normal circumstances I would have marched the money back into the house and back into the wallet from whence it came, but circumstances were not normal right now and I accepted it graciously.
By the end of my shift I had worn myself out with vacillating thoughts about Ben, and because JJ had told ALL the regular patrons about him and his relentless asking me out, every table had a suggestion.
“Babe, you have to go for it.”
“If you don’t go out with him I will.”
“Don’t be a Nancy and just say yes.”
I walked away shaking my head. It was all just too much for one person to deal with. Just as I was wrapping up and feeling totally grateful that I was leaving the peanut gallery behind, my phone vibrated in my pocket . . .
Unknown number: How’s the thinking going?
Sera: Ben?
Unknown number: WHO ELSE ARE U THINKING OF GOING OUT WITH?!?
I smiled to myself. This was too fun and suddenly all those reasons I had earlier for not going out with Ben, seemed to melt away.
Sera: Actually, there are several other prospects I am currently considering.
Unknown number: WHO?
I paused for a while thinking about a clever retort, but before I could . . .
Unknown number: They can’t be as terribly good-looking and funny and charming as me.
