Since the night I’d looked up at him from V’s office floor, I’d known that Michelle had been it for him, but there’d been no need for him to ask the same thing about me. And I hadn’t spoken up because there was only one good reason for it to matter, then or now. But I don’t top very often as it is, and for all the times I’ve been careless enough to bottom without protection, Jake is just the second person I’ve fucked like this.
There’s no chance I’ll marry Jake, and after I’ve taken a moment to mourn whatever secrets I have to keep, I roll my hips and lower myself to him.
“So many things.”
We’re far removed from when he’d acknowledged that I’m not drunk—just minutes earlier but so, so long ago—and I’m not sure he has any idea what I’m talking about. I don’t askeither, more concerned with finding a rhythm that works for him, searching for the truth in his eyes while hoping he isn’t busy doing the same. Then he stretches toward me for a kiss, both hands cradling my face, and I meet him there without hesitation.
I continue to rock back and forth, and he wraps himself around me when each new breath comes easier than the one before. He’s brave and strong, but neither of those qualities is important tonight, and I think it’s his stubbornness that serves him well when he’s eager to pull me deeper, and his body is slow to catch up. One of his hands ends up on my ass, and I’m not even sure he knows what he wants when he mostly moans and mumbles and melts underneath me.
“More.”
It could mean anything, and if I were doing any better myself, I’d encourage him to talk to me and ask me for things and make me take care of him the way he deserves. But I’m a mess and I can’t do more than show him why, so I force an arm beneath his body and change the angle enough to make him cry out on my next thrust. We’re barely coordinated, but there’s nobody I’d rather do this with, the two of us trying so hard to kiss each other through it when we need to keepmoving.
At some point, I register that Jake’s got his hand on his dick, and I clumsily reach for his face, sweaty and so fucking in love and unable to do anything but chantbaby,baby,baby.
He arches his back and looks at me like heknows.
A better man would’ve broken eye contact because it’s unkind to lie so boldly, but if I’m going to lose him eventually, I needto remember this one chance I had. Jake lets me stare—maybe he’s even staring back—and for as much as I once wanted him to tell me about the time he came while thinking about me, I don’t need to look between us now. This might be a first for us, but his staccato whimpers mean he’s close, and I already know he’ll drag me with him.
“Please,” Jake says, because he’s so goddamn polite.
“Come for me,” I command, because I’m really not.
Still wrapped around each other as much as possible, I drive into him again and again, and I memorize the split second before this stunning man seizes and nearly screams in my arms. I feel his cum hit my chest, and I know it must be covering his, but I’m close to blacking out as I break above him. Something hopeless and feral trips down my spine when I surrender to the insistence that his body be allowed to milk mine, and when it’s over, I want to believe I’ve gained more than I’ve given up.
It's probably impossible, but I won’t do the math until I can be trusted not to cheat.
“Darren.”
I lift my head from where it’s fallen onto Jake’s shoulder. “Hmmm?”
“Stay.”
I’m already beginning to soften where I’m buried inside him, but I attempt a couple of careful thrusts because it feels really fucking good to flirt with overstimulation, and I’m suddenly afraid of leaving. I close my eyes and slide back and forth, and it’s so much wetter now, and I can feel it and I can hear it and I canhearhim. But then Jake shivers, and while the fire does what it can to keep us warm, we’re coming down from one hell of a high and won’t be able to relax here forever.
I open my eyes, kiss him, and speak. “As much as I’d love to pull a blanket from the couch and cuddle with you until I’m hard enough for round two, we’re filthy and I promise you don’t actually want me to bethisclose to you for much longer.”
“No, that’s not—we should shower.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “That’s sort of where I was going with the whole ‘filthy’ thing.”
Jake shakes his head, and I worry about the frown I catch before I rub my thumb over the crease between his brows. My touch doesn’t fix everything as quickly as I think it should, so I frown too, and wait him out.
“We should shower and then you should stay with me,” he says. “For the rest of the night.”
“I haven’t stayed here before.”
“No. And I’ve always left you early in the morning.”
At my house, and then again at the hotel. I remember both, and it doesn’t matter that he’s the one bringing it up now—I’m already wondering how he’ll sneak out of his own fucking home.
“Okay,” I answer, because I’m just dumb enough to want to find out.
I have to pull out then, and I use my t-shirt to help clean what I can before we leave the rest behind, wine and ice cream and dirty laundry becoming tomorrow’s problem. Neither of us is all that steady when we stand, and if we talk at all while Jake puts outthe fire, it’s about nothing that matters. We stay so close to each other, though—maybe unreasonably so—and he takes my hand when we head upstairs.
He doesn’t let go until we step under water hot enough to give both of us goosebumps, and he pushes me against the cold tile to give me more. “Did you know you wanted to do that?”
“That I wanted to fuck you?” He nods, and I shrug. “It’s one of a million fantasies I’ve had about us, but I didn’t have some secret plan to surprise you with it tonight. It just felt right, so I asked.”
