Very frowned, picked up the crayon half and held it out to me. When I raised my hand to take it my head came up and the room came into focus. That was when I saw him.
At first I wasn’t sure. Was the new man a daddy or a little? And why was he wearing a suit?
He looked straight at me and quirked his lips.
My heart jumped and I looked away. He was handsome. But not typical for this venue. Out the corner of my eye I watched him make his way to a couch and sit where the daddies sat. I turned my head slightly so I could watch without looking like I was watching.
One of the men turned and spoke to him. He spoke back with a slight smile but they did not strike up a conversation. He had a drink in his hand and took sips from it every few seconds, the way I did when I was nervous. I had a weird instinct right then that I wanted to know everything about him.
I forced myself to look away. I took my broken crayon half and forced myself to focus on my picture. I was almost done filling in the lines of the truck. I had half a door left. Then there was the grass and trees. I liked to make them different colors,not just solid green. But sometimes when I was feeling like a real needy baby my art was mostly scribbles.
“I wonder who he is,” Very said under his breath.
“Maybe he's just an audience,” I replied. “Likes to watch. He really doesn't seem to fit.”
“Because he's in his suit? That's fashionist.”
“Fashionist?” I squinted at him.
“You know, like ageist.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. People wear the clothes they relate most to.”
“Like what you're wearing?”
“Yep.” He was one to talk. He had on a blue sparkly T-shirt and striped shorts.
I looked down at my picture. “I'm just saying maybe he came directly from his job. So, he doesn’t really fit.”
But Very was right. If the daddy was new maybe he didn't have any type of labeling uniform yet. I hated to think in terms like that but it was true. Especially in a kink club. People wore the type of thing they wanted to be identified with. Most littles didn't wear leather and studs. Not unless their daddies told them to. And daddy doms didn't usually wear sparkle T-shirts with unicorns on them.
I kept coloring but my mind wouldn't stop. I was intrigued. And pissed because I had made a promise with myself not to get caught up in the men here anymore. If there was a daddy out there for me I was going to have to meet him somewhere else. Somewhere in the vanilla world. Somewhere where people were looking for something else, and for me that meant long-term monogamy.
Still, my legs itched to get up and go over to the couches. I wanted so badly to introduce myself, to learn his name. Why did this have to happen now? I was taking a break. I needed space.
Very noticed my tension. “Hey, you colored outside the line. You never do that.”
But I did do that. When I was regressing more. Usually that happened in private with or without a daddy present. The feelings inside me were hard to describe. Irritation and annoyance at myself for my curiosity and craving for a daddy. And a sudden overwhelming need to curl in and seek protection. My breaths came a little faster.
“Wanna come with me and play with the blocks?” Very asked.
I put down my crayon and nodded, then followed him on my hands and knees to a clear space on a rug. I sat down and crossed my knees as he went to get the box of blocks. He poured them out between us and together we started to stack them and build the wall. Eventually, I got lower and lower to the ground until I was on my stomach. And then I rolled over, forgetting the blocks, and stared up at the bright lights on the ceiling.
Very spoke to me again but I didn't answer. His words sounded muffled as my concentration switched to focusing on whether I could hear the daddies on the couch and their conversation. It was difficult because littles could be so noisy while they played.
I didn't hear the man in the suit but already my imagination was running away with me. His voice would sound like a gentle low hum. He would speak in a tone that would bathe me in warmth with a honeyed edge to it.
After a while I heard voices closer to me. Very spoke again but I didn't hear exactly what he said. Weird. I blinked my eyes against the lights and saw after-images against the inside of my eyelids. One image morphed into a silhouette that looked like a man leaning over me. I quickly snapped open my eyes.
It was the man in the suit. And he was talking to Very.
I rolled over onto my side where I could see only his shoes under the cuffs of his trousers. I drew my knees up to my stomach and wrapped my arms around them.
As I lay there I heard Very say, “Sometimes he does that but not often.”
“I see.” And yes that voice. It surrounded me and I felt like a golden glow came up from inside me.
“I only know him from this club,” Very said quietly. “He's usually pretty active. But once he told me in private that his little age can go as low as two. I really don't know anything else.”
