At HR, I filled out a form giving every detail I knew, including that I’d gone straight to my boss when I found out Sage was awitness. I tried to get information from them about how long it might take for the report to be reviewed and the bosses to come back with a decision. No one at HR had any clue. But they did say I could not contact Sage until the report was seen and a decision finalized.
I wanted to quit right then and there.
When I got back to my office, I was sweating and clammy. I couldn’t focus. I sat at my desk and looked out the window at the traffic in downtown. Ugly. Everything was ugly to me right now.
I kept taking out my phone and looking at it. I’d never felt so bereft. And angry. I had to cancel our plans tonight but I didn’t know how to do that. Sage would be devastated. If I told him the truth, he’d hate that my job was in jeopardy. I knew he’d want me to keep it even if it meant he couldn’t see me. He’d want to break it off to save me. I just knew it.
He couldn’t know. I had to come up with a story. Something believable. But that was hard. Even if I told him I had to go out of town on business, there was still texting and phone calls and video. I wasn’t allowed to have any of that with him.
I couldn’t think. I was frozen in place.
Maybe it was best not to lie, but to not say much at all. Just cancel. That would be it. Fewer words meant less confusion.
Finally, I picked up my phone and began to type. Immediately, I erased and tried again. Then I erased it all and turned off my phone.
17
Sage
The deposition was long and kind of terrible. And it got boring toward the end. I thought I answered all the questions well, but they were very picky and kept asking me to repeat stuff.
Marty Johnson was an awful guy. I didn’t know him but he came into the pub all the time before he got caught spiking drinks for people he wanted to take home and assault. He was loud and rude and yet very charismatic. He had a different date every time. Now I knew why.
When I sold drinks to him, I saw him standing at the bar after he’d paid, not really moving much. It looked funny. That’s why I noticed him. Then one night I saw him with a piece of thin, folded paper. He held it over one drink and I saw powder falling out of the paper. He mixed it in with his finger. I thought it was his own drink because, ew, why would he put his finger in a drink for his date? I could look the other way if someone was doing recreational drugs. Maybe drugs made Marty moreconfident so he could put on his bravado mask. That’s why I didn’t say anything.
I was distracted by work, too, slow to put two and two together until one night the cops came and interviewed every worker at the pub. I told them what I saw and realized they were investigating Marty for rape. Yikes. If I’d known, I would’ve said something sooner. I might have confronted him, though I didn’t think of myself as confrontational. Still, that was my job. People came here to be served. If they were getting dicey drinks, I needed—wanted—to be honest about that.
When I finally got out of the office, I looked around for Preston but couldn’t find him anywhere. I was too shy to ask anyone. I went back to my car and drove back to campus.
At home, I texted Preston.
I’m home now.See you tonight! I’ll be there at six. Can’t wait to go out to dinner.
No response.I stared at the dots to the side of the open text window, waiting to see them move to show he was typing. Nothing. Then I checked the little message below my own text. It said:Read.That meant he’d seen it.
Why wasn’t he texting back? Maybe he was busy or driving. But even when driving, he had his phone set to voice on the dash computer. He could answer, dictate texts, etc.
Why wasn't he answering me?
I still had a couple of hours before I needed to be at his house. I grabbed an apple for a snack and settled in to study a bit. Most of my classes required a lot of reading. It seemed like I was always reading reading reading. When I wasn't reading, my homework consisted of writing reports. I always tried to get everything done before seeing Daddy Preston. But sometimes inthe evenings I would sit on the floor by the couch and do my homework while Preston worked on his laptop. We had become like a well-oiled machine together. It was comforting to know that we were part of each other's routine. I'd never known anybody like him.
Tonight we had great plans, but I also had my own plan. Tonight was the night I was going to tell Daddy Preston once and for all, in my real big boy voice, that I loved him.
The time passed quickly. I grabbed my backpack and was about to leave when my phone chimed. I had a text from Daddy. Yes!
Something work related has comeup and I have to cancel tonight. I’ll tell you more when we see each other another night. I’ll text when I’m free.
I backedup into my TV chair and sat staring at the words. They looked so formal. So impersonal. He didn’t call my baby like he usually did. The way I read the words made it seem like he was stressed. I decided I could be friendly and personal for us both right now.
Relaxand do what you have to do, Daddy. I’ll see you another night. Soon, I hope!
I rereadmy words and liked them enough to hit send. I waited and waited, staring at my phone. Nothing. No reply. Daddy Preston never acted this way from the moment I met him. He was always friendly. Always making sure I was well taken care of, happy.
But now my feelings were hurt. He’d gone silent. I was sure it wasn’t on purpose, but what could be happening to make him not talk?
Now, I was worried.
I got up and threw my backpack on my bed. It was full of toys and clothes. I wouldn’t be using any of that tonight. Later, I made myself a quick, easy dinner. Two lovely, thick toasted cheese sandwiches.
