“I’m really proud of you,” I tell him. “I don’t mean to bring it up again, but do you want to talk about what happened tonight?”
Despite the cold, we walk slowly, hand in hand, amidst the bustling city. The night conceals us, but the city lights energize us and provide shadows for us to hide in, physically and metaphorically, if we need them.
“What happened is that I healed a little more,” Zeke says. “Every time I push through the fear he created in me, I’m lighter. And you’re there, filling the space I once allowed him to occupy. Filling it with kindness, goodness, and a love I still don’t feel worthy of, but I’m trying.”
I swallow hard, afraid that if a tear escapes, it’ll freeze on my face.
We talk the whole way home, and when I let us into the penthouse, it’s close to midnight, but I’m not ready to sleep.
“Do you want a drink or anything?” I ask, shrugging out ofmy jacket. I had thought about wearing a suit, but wanted to dress similarly to Zeke so he wouldn’t feel underdressed or overdressed. In the end, I put on gray slacks and a black button-down.
Zeke is eyeing said button-down now as I flip on the lights and hit the switch that frosts the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows in my living room.
“I was actually thinking I’d like something else,” Zeke says slowly. The tone of his voice makes me pause as heat pools low in my stomach, and my dick goes on alert.
“Anything.” I breathe the word more than I actuallysay it.
“Do you think…I mean, would you want…”
Zeke’s nerves have me next to him instantly.
“I want everything. Whatever it is, the answer’s yes,” I tell him.
When I’m this close, he has to tilt his head back to meet my eyes, and I’m struck again by how gorgeous he is.
“Can I…I mean, can we…” His eyes dart around the room until I cup his jaw and run my thumb across his bottom lip, bringing his eyes back to mine. “Will you let me fuck you?”
My desire to experience this with him makes my knees buckle.
“Yes.”
Since accepting my physical attraction to Zeke, I’ve done some research. A lot of research, actually. In case we ever crossed this bridge, I didn’t want all the pressure to fall on him to know what the hell was going on.
As a man, I already have a leg up on generally knowing what feels good and what doesn’t, but after Zeke admitted—and rightly so—that being on the receiving end may not be something he ever wants to experience again, I knew this role would belong to me.
And I’m more than ready.
Chapter 34
Zeke
There are moments when things between Talon and me feel like they’re moving at warp speed, and times when they feel like they’re moving at a snail’s pace. I just keep reminding myself that ours isn’t a traditional love story. It’s rooted in guilt, desperation, and deception as much as it is in love, desire, and respect.
Moving to New York is a huge deal, and after only being here for thirty hours, it feels really fucking fast. But Talon’s right. We already live together, and neither of us has plans to change that.
In fact, the realization that his stay in Montana was temporary hit hard and has been weighing on me ever since I had the thought.
All I’ve ever wanted was to move to New York, and now, Talon’s offering me the chance to not only do that, but do that withhim.
My boyfriend’s in the shower, going through the steps he assured me he was familiar with in order to get ready for me, while mentally, I check in with myself once more. It’sextremely important to me that I critically assess where this desire is coming from. Do I feel the need to take this step because of his offer of moving in together? Do I feel like I owe him for tonight and the future he’s offering me?
The answer is a resoundingno.
I want Talon for the man he is. For the smiles he gives, the compassion he possesses, and the drive he has. I want him for all the little moments, the times he made me laugh when my world was full of despair, the way he reached for me in the dark, the way his presence makes my own good qualities stand out even more. He makes me better, and if he says he wants to be with me, who am I to argue?
Tonight isnottransactional.
I’d want to take this step with Talon even if it meant I had to go back to living in my car in the middle of a Montana winter.
