Forest green coats my walls, and taupe blackout curtains are pushed back on the sides of the balcony doors. My furniture is rich cherry wood, heavy and expensive, and the remnants of a thousand pumps of Tom Ford cologne hang lightly in the air.
On the wall behind my bed is an original oil painting of a stag. Gold paint drips from his antlers and bleeds into the dark brown and black of his body. Those colors drip to the edge of the painting.
It transports me, and I had to have it.
“Do you like it?” I ask.
“This is…” Zeke trails off before shaking his head. “This is incredible.”
I motion him over to the window, where a slightly different view of Central Park awaits. From my room, I can see the edge of the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir. It’s currently covered in a thin layer of ice, but the view is stunning, nonetheless.
“Let me grab a quick shower, so I’m nice and fresh, and then I’d like to welcome you to New York properly. Make yourself at home. Feel free to explore.”
Zeke smiles, “I was thinking I could shower with you?”
My cock twitches against my thigh.
Swallowing hard, I grip his waist and confess my struggle as I brush his hair back from his glasses.
“I want you in that shower with me so fucking badly, but I’m finding it harder and harder to keep myself in check around you. Especially here for some reason.”
“In checkhow?” he asks, his eyes dipping to my lips.
I push my hips forward so he can feel my rapidly growing erection.
“I want more with you,” I say honestly. “Hell, I wanteverythingwith you, but I know it’s going to take time. I just need you to know that I’m crazy about you, and I see this being long-term, so I’m happy to wait as long as it takes, but in order to protect you…even from myself, I’m not so sure showering together is a great idea right now.”
Chapter 30
Zeke
The strength of this man never ceases to amaze me.
Perhaps it’s the statement he just uttered that slices through the last link in the chain holding me back from completely letting go with Talon. Perhaps it’s the honesty with which he spoke the words. Perhaps it’s the physical distance from my trauma and the only life I’ve ever known. But most likely, it’s justhim.
“I don’t think I want to be protected anymore. Especially not from you.”
Talon searches my eyes as he cups my face and uses his thumbs to caress my cheekbones in a move he does often. Despite adding weight, they’re still a prominent feature of mine.
“My confession was in no way meant to make you feel guilty, or like I’m unhappy with where things are, Zeke. It was simply meant to make you aware of the reason behind my hesitation,” Talon says.
“I know. But I’m tired of being a prisoner of my past.” I quickly place my hand over his mouth because I know he’sgoing to argue. “And before you give me what I’m sure was going to be a well-thought-out pep talk about how surviving trauma doesn’t make me a prisonerora victim, the reality is that itdoes. For me, at least. Every time I don’t go after what I want because I fear the reaction, whether it be mine or someone else’s, I add another bar to my jail cell.”
I curl my fingers into the hem of his shirt and slowly lift it up until he realizes I want it off as I continue speaking.
“Sex has never been something I’ve enjoyed because I was never given the time or space to learnhowto enjoy it. It just always happened regardless of whether I wanted it or was ready for it.”
Talon’s hands fall from my face, and he crushes me against his now-bare chest, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my hair.
“I still want to kill him, you know that, right?” Talon asks in a tone that makes me pretty confident that if Derek were standing here right now, Talon wouldn’t hesitate to send him to the pits of hell.
But I don’t think Talon understands how hard it is for me to reconcile my complicated feelings for Derek. Obviously, he’s fucked up, and what he did was fucked up, but he was the only person willing to reach out when I needed it. Until Talon, at least. But without Derek, I most likely wouldn’t have survived long enough tomeetTalon. So, it’s complicated at best. It’s also the biggest reason I didn’t want to press charges.
“Yes, I do know that,” I confirm. “And I wantyouto know thatI’mready to move on. I don’t want to be angry at him anymore. I don’t want his treatment of me to dictateyourtreatment of me. I’m finding it easier to gain perspective as the days pass, and I’m done cowering. I’d like to get into therapy, like you suggested. I want to return to the stage. I want to chase my dreams, and I don’t want to waste another moment thinkingabout my ex. Most importantly, I want to learn how to be comfortable during sex, but in order to do that, I have tohavesex. And I want to have it with you. I trust you, Talon. And I need you to trust me.”
“I do, baby. I do.Fuck,I love you so much.”
I’m in shock from his last words as his mouth crashes down on mine, his kiss filled with urgent need.
