“Does talking about my meat make you flustered?”he teases, turning back to the grill top on the stove as I choke on my water.
The sounds of my distress have Talon by my side in one second flat, alternating between gently tapping my back and rubbing it in circles.
When my water finally goes down the correct side, I clear my throat.
“Talon.” I’m not surprised when it comes out as a whisper full of longing.
His hand stills on my back, but he doesn’t remove it.
“Yeah?”
I need to be honest with him. I’mliving in the man’s house, for crying out loud. But beyond that, things have always been easy with Talon. Even when neither of us was being completely honest, I still trusted his heart. I knew, in the depths of my soul, Talon would never physically hurt me, and I don’t think he’d purposely hurt me in any other way, either.
He won’t kick me out if I share too much, nor will he hold it against me. If more needs to be said, I trust him to have a conversation about it, not get defensive, become cruel, and use my feelings against me.
Nonetheless, I keep my eyes trained on my half-full glass of water as I begin speaking, while Talon’s hand remains on my back.
“I don’t know how to say this in a way that isn’t embarrassing, so I’m just going to throw it out there.” Taking a deep breath, I do something I’ve never had the luxury of doing before, and I let the truth fly freely. “I find youincrediblyattractive, Talon. For a while, it wasn’t an issue because neither my body nor my brain could hold space for things like physical attraction, let alone engage enough to give a response, even if the attraction was there. Every cell of my being was focused on survival, to the point where I was pretty sure I was brokenbeyond repair. But, to my simultaneous delight and horror, that’s apparently not the case anymore, and the last thing I want to do is ruin this friendship with ill-timed reactions. While I hate having to depend on you, I’m extremely grateful for what you’ve given me. I respect that you’re my boss and that you’re straight, and I never want to overstep. I know that by protecting me, you’re risking way more than I am, and I really don’t want to do anything to fuck this up for either of us.”
When I pause in an effort to build courage to ask him to show mercy and tone down the innuendos, the touching, and the biceps-hugging T-shirts, he fills the silence.
“So, what you’re saying is you like me?” he asks as he moves to stand directly behind my chair and brings both hands to my shoulders, kneading gently.
Oh, God. That feels so fucking good.
“Precisely,” I confirm, my eyes drifting closed at his touch as our steaks continue cooking in front of us. “And it would be great if maybe you could make menotlike you so much.”
“Is this okay?” he asks, using his thumbs to work the knots at the base of my neck while ignoring my statement.
“Unhh,” I groan, my head falling back and hitting Talon’s rock-hard chest. “Yes, but it’s not making me like you any less.”
“I don’t want you to like me less,” he says. “In fact, I think maybeIalready likeyoumore thanyoulikeme.”
“That’s not possible,” I say, my eyes opening as his hands disappear. Talon’s back is to me once again as he moves over to the stove and flips the steaks. What I feel for him isn’tpurelyphysical, but that’s definitely part of it. A part he certainly doesn’t return.
“Why not?” he asks, facing me now with his butt propped against the same counter his fingers are curled over the edge of, pulling his T-shirt tightly across his chest, one ankle crossed over the other.
“Because there are…elementsof my attraction that you simply can’t return,” I say carefully, wondering why he’s pushing this.
“Such as?” he taunts.
Sighing in frustration, I attempt to explainagain.
“Talon. For the hundredth time, I’mgay.I likemen. I amphysically attractedtomen.As a straight man, it’s unlikely thatyouwould viewmethrough that same lens.”
“Maybe I’m not as straight as I once thought,” he says quietly.
I swear I’m having a stroke because there’s no way I heard that correctly. My head whips toward Talon so fast my neck cracks.
“What?”
He shrugs, casually reaching a hand over to turn off the gas stove.
“When my sister was here, she basically asked me if I hated Derek so much because I was jealous over you. At first, I thought, ‘of course not.’ I’m exceptionally good at reading people, and I hated Derek the second I saw him because he’s a fucking dick. Plus, it’s sort of just my nature to want to help people, so, of course, I’d want to help anybody in your situation.” Talon pauses, scrubbing a hand down his face as I bite my lower lip, waiting for what comes next. “But when you were in surgery, I realized that while I wouldhelpanyone in your situation, I wouldn’t move into a hospital room for just anyone. I wouldn’t offer my home to just anyone. And I certainly wouldn’t risk upsetting my parents and potentially creating problems for my company for just anyone. I’d only do those things foryou. You occupied a large amount of my mental capacitybeforemoving in, and it’s only increased now that you’re here, and I can no longer pretend that everything I feel for you is platonic.”
I’m frozen in place. Afraid that if I move too quickly, I’ll wake up from this dream I’ve found myself in.
Seeing the weight of his words resting heavily upon his shoulders, I smile, wanting to ease his anxiety.
