When the lights drop, my palms are sweating, and my knee is bouncing.
Ohmygod, I’m as nervous as if I were the one on stage.
But I needn’t have worried.
Zeke steps into the lights, and immediately, I feel the confidence radiating off him.
Nudging my sister’s arm, I whisper, “That’s him.”
Eloise leans into me and whispers back, “You were right. I wouldkillfor those cheekbones.”
Zeke’s whole demeanor has changed, and it’s more than just the makeup on his face. He projects his voice. His body language speaks as loudly as his words. When his character is hurt,Ihurt, and when he finally accepts himself and gives himself over to a lover who values him, I’m literally wiping tears from my eyes. The only part that made my insides twist was his onstage kiss. I’m still not sure why it left me with my fists as clenched as my jaw. The moment was beautiful.
Eloise discreetly passes me a tissue from her purse, for which I’m grateful.
As the actors and actresses take their final bow, I’m the first one out of my seat, clapping like a madman.
Always in solidarity, Eloise stands next to me, clapping just as aggressively until the rest of the audience rises from their seats to join us in a standing ovation.
When the house lights go up, I shuffle to the end of our row, preparing to leave, but Eloise grabs mysleeve.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“Um, it’s over. I was going to leave,” I say, wondering if I missed something.
“Aren’t you going to congratulate him on a job well done?” she asks.
“I told him good luck before the show, and you know, I don’t want to encroach on his territory. Besides, I don’t really know how long it’ll be before he can leave. I’ll make sure I see him tomorrow at work.” In reality, I don’t know if Derek is here, and if he is, I don’t want to create any trouble for Zeke. Plus, I know I need to come clean about who I really am. So, tomorrow, I’ll take another coffee to the host stand, tell him how much I loved the play, and then potentially ruin the friendship that has brought me the most joy I’ve had in a while. “Come on,” I tell my sister. “Let’s grab something to eat.”
Chapter 12
Zeke
“Great show, man,” Gio says, clapping me on the back after our final bow. “Whatever gum you were chewing earlier was a nice touch.”
“Is that why you used so much tongue tonight?” I reply with a smile, riding the high from the good performance.
“Holy shit, did you just make a joke?” Gio says, feigning a look of shock. Or maybe it’s genuine since I’m not usually the teasing type.
“Sounds like it.” I shrug, still smiling. Maybe this is what other people experience on a daily basis. Maybe it’s possible to go through life without feeling like a boulder is crushing your chest every day, which makes me wonder who I would be if the stress of surviving didn’t weigh me down.
Sometimes I feel like I see glimpses of that person when I’m with Talon, but there’s always the nagging guilt and fear of Derek’s reaction to our friendship acting as the boulder, making it hard for me to truly lean into that relationship.
But tonight gives me hope.
And that’s dangerous.
Far more dangerous than my secret friendship with Talon. More dangerous than the crush I’ve developed on him. Even more dangerous than pissing Derek off.
But I don’t want to focus on that right now.
Behind me, Gio has moved on to another conversation.
“Ask him,” Cordelia says.
“Why? He always says no,” Garrett argues.
It hurts to hear, but he’s right. I never go out after rehearsals or shows because I know Derek is waiting for me, and the argument we’re sure to have isn’t worth the time away.
